


75 Pick-Up Lines You Used On Hux

by Artisanthemage, ElmiDol



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Choking Kink, Death, Degradation, Depression, Drunk flirting, Erotophonophilia, F/M, Kinks, Leather Kink, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, added those cuz well things and hux, autassassinophilia, investigation on you, officers have no chill, reduced to a bed warmer, ren stop choking ppl cuz one day you gonna meet the right one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artisanthemage/pseuds/Artisanthemage, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: While under investigation due to your now dead boss being found a traitor, you are forced to go to therapy. It's bad enough the officers think killing to get a promotion is a good idea! Some days you wish you were a mouse droid. To make matters worse, other than being forced into onshore-leave, you drunk-texted General Hux.At least he just threatened to demote you to sanitation. That's a safe career.





	1. Mouse Droids don't need Therapy

_Dear General Hux_ ,

Oh, dear Maker, what did you write!? You do not remember typing that, or even wishing to message General Hux in the first place. Was it a joke, a really bad joke, but a joke fueled by being drunk? Most officers usually get drunk off their rockers when shore leave happens; most know better than to bring their work holopad when them during this time. But why in all the stars in the universe did you write to him!? Currently you are on-planet shore leave during an investigation on several officers on the _Finalizer_. You being one of many on leave because you had been under a supervisor that was discovered to be a traitor. Great, the message loaded.

 

  _I’m not a traitor. You should promote me._ _  
_ _Love Professionally, (Name)_

 

Supposedly, in your therapist's words, it is not good to say “I crave the sweet release of death”, but that is only feeling you are having right at this moment. You rest your head on your pillow while staring up at the ceiling and just waiting for the rest of message to load. Damn this place for having a bad signal. When the final beep sounded, you just bought the holopad up and stared out at and thinking death better come soon.

_P.S: Don’t stab me_  
_P.P.S: Wear me like you wear that greatcoat, uff._  
_P.P.P.S: Step on me_ _  
_ P.P.P.P.S: Unless you want me to step on you which is totally hot by the way

 

Maybe the Maker will have pity on you and make it to where General Hux never got the messages; the connection here is spotty anyway. You delete the message with that hope in mind, and placed you holopad down. Now you just have to stop yourself from overthinking the ways your General can kill you. You made yourself giggle thinking about him smothering you with his legs until you stopped breathing. Who could say they were killed by General Hux’s thighs?! No one! Then again, that is because the person is dead. You start frowning again, feeling the depression kicking back in.

This will have to be documented for your therapist.

With sluggish movements you grab the notebook on the headboard, hand tapping around to grab the pen as well. Every bad thought must be documented in order to help you. It does help a bit. You started writing down just the thoughts rather than the cause since the therapist does not need to know about that _mishap_. Your holopad vibrates on your bed four short times. The notebook and pen are placed down on your lap. When you open the message sent by you, suddenly you wish you could punch the Maker in the face.

 

_Officer (L/N), your ‘'appeal’ to both a promotion and dropping the investigation on you have been denied. Another stunt like this again, and I will have you demoted to sanitation._

_-General Hux_

 

Funny thing a demotion like that means that there's no more dealing with officers that would kill you for your position. Sanitation is a safe job in the First Order, a job that doesn't get you killed or force you to kill. You reread the General’s words before deciding to call your therapist. Messaging them would break Doctor-Patient confidentiality. Then you just sit there staring at the commlink, just staring. The therapist did state if you ever needed them that they are available to you. But, thoughts of feeling like a bother plague your mind, and you place your commlink down. This is why you prefer working in a room with nothing but consoles and a mouse droid cleaning to fill the silence. Something that's to do with analytical programming. That is your ranking, _Something Analyst programming_. Well, not the exact title but you don’t really care about your rank anymore. You are a computer, sort of speak. Writing, rewriting, editing programs. To most that would seem like a boring unimportant job until they realize it means you program the systems most of the Finalizer and Starkiller base run on. What Starkiller base used to run on. Of course, you do not only create this system; there are others that work with you, and all of the analysts report to one man. That one man is the supervisor, a now-dead supervisor, to approve or disapprove the programs. Most of the officers like you are called “computers” since your jobs are one a computer does. This nickname of sorts is never taken as an insult.

A bad thing about that is your current position.

Your commlink goes off with a blue light blinking twice. “Not important,” you say as you lay back down, surrendering yourself to be taken to the “ _void_ ”. The “ _void_ ” being where you disassociate yourself from everything. The light blinks once more before it stops. Good, it was starting to bother you. Suddenly the red light on your commlink goes off and that has you jolting and grabbing the commlink.

“Hello, sir!” The red light means a higher ranking officer, such as Hux or Mitaka, is calling you. Red light means: Try and not make a fool of yourself.

“I’m glad I can reach you, Engineer.” The one person you did not want to bother is speaking to you now, and it just making yourself feel worse. “I wanted to remind you that your appointment is tomorrow at 1400 hours, and that this is mandatory; you can not postpone this.” The tone of their voice is kind, but your overthinking brain believes their voice sounds annoyed.

“Uh, thank you. I-I will be there… Bye!” You ended the commutation before the therapist could get another word in.

 

**You wish you were a mouse droid.**

**.**

.

.

.

.

The office is small with only a desk, a long bookshelf, and two chairs. You take the seat that is closer to the desk. “Good afternoon, (L/N).” His voice is kind as usual, trying to get a feeling of comfort. This therapist is different from the one on the _Finalizer._ You guess that therapist on the ship has other patients to deal with. You wonder if Mitaka is one of them.

“..hi?” You don’t do small talk. In these sessions, you just want to cry your eyes out and then be praised for pushing through the week. The doctor has a name: Kim. You barely use it, instead just calling him ‘Doctor’. Doctor Kim isn’t like your usual doctor who lets you spill your guts and tells you what you can do while also praising you. This one, Kim, he does this thing with letting you spill your guts out and writes while you do it. The _Finalizer_ therapist does that, but explained what he was writing to build your trust.

“I drunk texted my General,” you began in order to get it off your chest. “I said some unprofessional things. Even asked for a promotion. As if I would want one!” You rest your head on the table turning your face to keep looking at him. “Have you met some of these officers? They would gladly slit your throat to get the last muffin in the mess hall! Unbelievable.” Once your rant is over, your eyes drift to the words being typed on the holopad, though of course it had a protective cover on it so no one could read it. You frown slightly. Feeling slightly judged, you turn your head so your face is on the desk.

“In your file, there are some notes.” You are starting to tune him out, not wanting to hear him. You just want to sleep or get back to work. A simple want. “You have a record of, uh, ‘craving death’. A worrisome and concerning mindset--”

“Listen, Doctor, some days yeah I want to die. I think anyone would have those days. But, I’m not a danger or a bothersome person!” You don’t turn to look at him and your voice is slightly muffled by the desk.

“I never said you are bothersome, (L/N).”

“No, but you allude to it, Doc.” Then your face is turned to face him, “I just want to work and be left alone. If I picture dying between Hux’s thighs, well, that just a thought. Not like it could happen.”

“You want you to die by the General’s thighs?” That has him writing then swiping on the holopad screen, “Ah.” You groan at the sound he makes. This isn’t the first time you wanted a higher up to kill you. They have nothing to gain from your death, and maybe even would make your death quick. At least that is what you like to think. Once, you had wished that Captain Phasma would step on you, snapping your neck instantly killing you. Admittedly that thought came due to your monthly cycle. “Interesting that you have not been on suicide watch…” Doctor Kim looks a bit confused. It had never been an issue with your ‘death craving’ since you never acted upon those feelings.

“I never acted on it,” you state. “I’m okay.” A half lie and half-truth.

“You have not, but I am here to help you.”

  
**Mouse droids do not have to deal with this.**


	2. Mouse Droids Don't Have To Think Far Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting 'lit' is not a good idea. Hux is asking a question and you realize you don't really think ahead.

You feel guilty for being ide during this shore-leave, most of your co-workers are trying to relax. The computer-like you all cannot really relax, it is like everyone is programmed to work non-stop. If you all were actual computers that would be great! No one trying to kill you, no emotions, only function is work until you die. That is the life most of you want. All your co-workers gather at a fancy mess hall to eat and try conversing. The group of six, three women and three men, all are quietly eating before one man speaks.

“I don’t like therapy.” He blurts out then continues munching on a fairly hard piece of bread.

“Same.”

“Same.”

“Same.”

“Same.”

“Same.” You say looking at your coffee tea that is probably lukewarm at this point. “Maybe they are going to bore us to death.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“I want to go back to my desk.” Says the man who gave up eating his bread. “Do you think they forgot about us?” The man that speaks is redhead, brown eyes, small frame with a round face. You have interacted with him when you have to work on a project together as a unit.

“Then why mentally evaluate us?” Says a woman. This one is a blonde with big blue eyes and a gentle face. She is the one everyone goes to complain about harassment, she delivers that to Lieutenant Mitaka. “They must still want us. We aren’t dead.”

“Yet.” The second woman that speaks has a slightly deep voice. A dirty blonde with dark brown eyes and small lips. You remember she punched an officer once, but the details are unknown.

“That’s depressing.” This a second man that talks, his name is John. John is… Well, no one is sure what to say about John, he is mysterious. “I like to think we are fairly hard to replace.”

“I think the ship would get hacked if we weren’t there.” The last man to talk is a short man with white hair and he has a condition that makes him pale and has red eyes. He is your favorite to stare at when bored, he never minds. “I mean we kinda helped build that thing?”

“Yeah, but we are just officers.” You say while your finger plays with the liquid. “All we can do is hope none of us are traitors too.”

It goes back to being silent again for five minutes before you say something.

“I crave death.”

Everyone says “Same.” all at once.

For rest of the day, the programming team stays together trying to do things together. Mostly it was sitting outside quietly looking at the people then studying nature. Until an alien bug started harassing the redhead making everyone run away. You all agreed to stay inside the compound until they can return the Finalizer.

Most your workers, you think, but mostly you feel estranged. The inability to socialize with others, the feeling of isolation, you can’t even feel the same emotions as the others. At least partly. Mouse droids don’t have to worry about feels, all they would worry about if they feel is cleaning and hitting someone’s foot. Ah, a simple programmed life.

“Good luck, Maw.” Everyone said to the redhead man who informed everyone that he must go see Doctor Kim. When he left the lounge you are all sitting in the room became quiet again. The silence is only that makes you bound your leg up to occupy yourself due to not wanting to start a conversation that may not be wanted. Most of your co-workers are either looking around or playing with their hands. This is nearly tortuous prompting Sera, the blonde, to shout out.

“Let’s get lit!”

Everyone including yourself looks up at her form that jumped up from her seat.

“Lit? You light up something?” The woman with the slightly deep voice, Karen, asks.

“You know ‘lit’ meaning to get drunk. I hear a person say that when I was here yesterday.” That explain gets an “ah”.

You glance at the ugly carpet thinking it will be best not to get drunk again after what happened the other day. Then again your group think they might be killed if General Hux finds them to be traitors.

 

“Let’s get lit!” You shout out.

 

Getting ‘lit’ is the worst thing a group of programmers who never been left with no supervision. It is like living a bunch of teenagers who never been without a parent to watch or control their children. Thus why your group ordered too many drinks and staying in one room, Karen’s room getting drunk. The only one who hasn’t been drinking so much was John and Sera. It must have need zero hundred hours before you went back to your room to pass out. Even if they are your only form of friends, you do not trust them, you don’t trust anyone. With inelegant steps, you, fall on the floor just a foot away from your bed and had to crawl yourself up and on to it. Your commlink is going off, red light, yet you don’t answer. It stops then goes off again only to answer itself.

“Engineer (L/N), report to--” Hux voice sounds stern as usual but also distracted as if this was a message he is reading from a paper.

“Kiff me with your greatcoat!” You blurt out that you had no idea you said until the General spoke.

“You want to vandalize my greatcoat or for me to wear my greatcoat while I kiff you?” The reply is one you did not expect, in you expect either his voice be a recording or for him for fill his threat to demote you. “I expect an answer, Engineer.” His voice pulls you from your confusing thoughts. You could answer with is:

“I did not think this far ahead, sir.” That is the truth.

 

**Mouse droids don’t make fool of themselves.**


	3. Mouse droid don’t need companionship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You want to be Reconditions so you can go back to work. You meet General Hux for the first time and you feel like you might just melt.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! These are words that flood your mind right now. You are starting to wonder if the therapist is right about your self-destructive behavior is going to bleed into your professional life. The General, who you respect a great deal, is probably laughing about your text and your conversation with Mitaka. You want to die. You open your window looking how far of a drop it is from your room to the ground. To your disappointment, the drop would just cause some broken legs. Not death. Closing the window you go to the bathroom. No medical kit or med box so overdosing is also out of the question. Going back into the bedroom you stand there for a solid minute before checking the time.

Nine hours and twenty-five minutes in the morning. Soon you will have to go see your therapist. Most likely you will have to explain your situation and suicidal thoughts. You never considered yourself self-destructive, mouse droids don't have a self-destruct mode, that would be stupid and unnecessary. Maybe you will be sent to Reconditioning. You heard it a good mindwipe and reprogramming. That you believe will help to rid yourself of this ‘Void’ you are starting to call home. Now the only thing is that worries you is if your offense is enough to get you send there. Maybe you could-- No, you are no traitor plus you don’t like pain and torture never sounded fun. Getting up you sit staring down your feet sometimes tapping them. You check the time again, nine hours and thirty minutes. Maybe if you are late you will get sent to Reconditioning?! The excitement of that has you smiling full of glee then you start pouting, again the offense is not worth such a charge. Deciding to face the music begrudgingly you stand from your bed. Maybe you will get hit by a landspeeder or tip down the stairs.

 

Neither things happen. 

 

When you arrived at the therapist, you sat waiting with your leg bouncing up and down anxiously. A woman, a redhead looks dyed, walks out with a picture in her hand. She stops short and looks down at you. “Want to see my husband?” She doesn't look a member of the First Order, a local? Maybe your therapist is working with the people on this planet too? You blink not answering but she shows you anyway. Is the picture a drawing? You look confused at her, she pulls the picture away protecting it. “He’s mine!” She hisses out before rushing out yelling ‘Mine’. Based on that display you are fairly certain she needs more than this to help her.

“Ms. (L/N),” The therapist smiling at you which you think looks far too toothy. What is he planning is your next thought. Entering you lay down on the couch without a second thought. “Uh, come in.” He did not expect you to rush in and make yourself comfortable. “Well, then shall we begin?” Sitting himself down and grabbing his holo-pad. The damn thing you should hack just to fry it! “How was--”

“Doc, honestly I believe this is unnecessary and before you ask why just let me explain,” You cut him off not looking at his reaction. Life is dull and boring and so is he. “I want to be reconditioned. Just a good mind wipe and reprogram like a mouse droid. Boop! Done! No more dark thoughts, no more need for investigation and no more need for companionship.”

“You want companionship?”

You groan covering your face with both hands before dragging them down. “By the Stars, are you even listening?! I would like to be reconditioned like come on!” By the Stars, he better be writing a request form on that damned holo-pad. “(Name), may I call you (Name)?” He is playing nice again, so not request. Great. “Why ask if you are going to do it anyway.” Sit properly on the couch. The therapist nods pressing his lips together, “Okay, well, based on your change of mood from the day before I believe it is time you are allowed back on the Finalizer.”

The joy that you have been rarely feeling unless it is from a near-death experience, is expressed easily. “Really!? Thank you, doc. I knew you could, uh, do whatever you were doing with me will work!”

“If the General Hux approves the transfer back.”

You slump back into your depression. That was a vibroblade right through your heart that is slowly being pulled out. Laying your head down on the armrest of the couch. “He doesn’t like me.” Voice soft empty of life. The doctor tilting his head, “Let’s ask him if that is true.”

“No-- Oh, kriffing mother Void.” The doctor had gotten up and opened the door calling in the General. The feeling of being small is one you have gotten used to, but with the General, it feels like even in the Void in your mind you cannot escape his intense judging stare. You stand at attention immediately. “At ease.” The acknowledgment has you dropping down on the couch. Seeing him, the General of the First Order, before is like being blessed with the sight of the Maker’s back. Are you going to die? The thought of dying between his legs appears in your mind, it takes a lot not to stare at his legs.

“Engineer (L/N).”

You look up at him in wonder, he knows your last name. “Yes, sir?”

“Pay attention.” He looks so amazing in that greatcoat.

“Yes, sir.” You can not stare at him forever since he ordered you, personally, to pay attention. The doctor goes on talking. You wish the General would sit next to you rather than standing beside the doctor. If this is what is like to feel like a child being disciplined by a parent, you do not like it.

“They have saved for two of her team members have experienced life outside of a ship or away from technology. Putting them here is like giving a child a match and not expecting them to try and light it.” The doctor scrolling down his screen. “Self-destructive behaviors are normal. Once they are back on the ship they will resume as, uh, 'programmed' of if you will.” If the doctor had told you this before maybe you would have found a way to stop such behavior. Maybe it might have saved you from disgracing yourself to the General. Stars, he is so tall. “I see,” When he speaks you can not help but stare at him. With his attention on the doctor, you have the luxury to stare. “They need to be coddled.”

Man, if only he could personal coddle you. The doctor glances at you then back at the General. He is calm speaking, “No, they work as a group so they can support each other, but taking them off ship away from the environment they were programed to serve is very ill advised.” Like a mouse droid suddenly made to collect data rather than clean. “Hm.” Your General’s hum is even hot. The doctor looks at you making you blush and look at the floor. “Devotion is in there nature as well. Devotion tying in with a bit of obsession. Nothing to be concerned about.” You do not notice the General’s head turn to look at you from over his shoulder.

“Clear the group of clearance.” It takes a lot not to jump for joy or hug your General, you wonder is his greatcoat feels soft. “Engineer?” The man grabs you from you thoughts. "Yes, sir?"  
"My feelings towards you are strictly professional." He does not show the confusion on his when you look overjoyed. "Dismissed." With a nod and salute,  you leave the room, General Hux opening the door for you.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the comments this fanfic is getting warms my heart! Thank you all so much. I will also like to thank an rl friend for the joke in the fanfic.
> 
> That is for you buddy!


	4. Mouse droids just do their jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somedays you meet jerkfaces like the Commander.

Returning to the Finalizer is the most joyous moment of your life. You wanted to kiss all consoles and engine, but that would be unsafe. And weird. So you went with touching everything, fixing any flaw. Too many flaws. You want to yell at a technician but the conflict would be weird. As much as your infatuation with the General. After learning he has only professional feelings for you made life felt better. Mouse droids require no companionship. Even though your therapist tells you companionship is a normal human need. What you need is to know why all the tech on the ship is running only forty percent its full potential. You may not be able to yell at someone, you will get the Finalizer back to purring. Yes, the ship purrs if worked properly. That does not sound right you realize. Heading down hall checking around to 'feel’ around the ship. Seeking imperfections. That is when you see a man in black, tall angry man breaking-- more like destroying a console. You do not know this guy but he is hurting the ship! 

 

So you taser him.

 

The General learned quickly that the therapist was right about your group. The ship is running far better with your group all plus whatever “damage” shore-leave caused was repaired. Course it does not mean he has forgotten your unprofessional stunts with him. The messages are still on his datapad. It still amuses him, yet it also concerns him. The self-destructive behavior he partly caused along with the impulsive obsession with him. He could use that against you but for what gain? You already have the ship running far better than before without your group and yourself. A leaderless group for the moment. Unofficially Lieutenant Mitaka is overseeing your group. Check-ins, assignments, etc. The group all preferred the Lieutenant to the Fleet Technician. If the Lieutenant wasn’t overworked as he is Hux would make the assignment permanent. The commlink goes off. “Report.” Not drawing his eyes away from the holo-projection on his desk. “Sir, there was an accident with an Engineer and the Commander.” Hux swears that fool better not have killed anyone. That is the last thing he needs to file. “Where are they?” Pinching the bridge of his nose. “Medbay.” He can only imagine Mitaka would not like to see the Commander after being choked. Hux does not blame him.

 

“I will be right there.”

 

The level of stupidity Hux has to deal with Ren is very trying. Each day it becomes more tempting to either shoot the man to stab him. Stabbing being more personal and far more effective in killing a Force user. All these thoughts locked away too deep for Ren or the Supreme Leader to ever reach. Being prepared to file a death report, Hux was actually taken aback to see you again. Not hurt at that. You were tinkering with the medical equipment while Ren is in another room away from you, getting bits of metal out of his back. Both separated by a glass window. Hux had entered where Ren sitting seething in rage. “Should I even ask what happened?” It is tempting to laugh if it is what he thinks it is. “Engineer (L/N) tasered Commander Ren,” The doctor says after removing the last piece of metal. “For ‘'damaging the ship’, sir.”

Hux coughed to cover the laugh. “I see.” Oh, that is delightful news. “You may leave.” The doctor nodded excusing themselves. “Bruised ego, Ren.”

The mask turns away from your direction. “Laugh it up, Hux.” Leather crunching. 

“I intend to, Ren.” 

The mask does not turn back to him. Leather crunches for the second time, the fists formed tightening. Aside from Ren having been the victim, in this case, another surprising element is that he has not retaliated. Being caught off guard can be a good lesson for the man. On top of that Hux finds himself proud of the Engineer. Caring for the ship. Not only assisting in its repairs but also protecting it. From Ren of all people!

Hux’s lips twitch. He can feel the strong urge to grin in Ren’s face rising. That Engineer is proving to be more useful than he could have imagined. Not only ensuring that the ship’s functionality was improved. Also protecting it from Ren. The man’s bruised ego makes itself known again as he tightens his fist. Crunching leather has always been an appealing sound to Hux’s ears. He likes it all the more now that it is because of Kylo Ren’s displeasure. There is no restraint when he chuckles in amusement. 

You should get a medal though Hux is sure you would use it to fix something. The door on your side opens relieving your therapist. He can not hear what they are saying but by the gestures and expressions, they are concern about you.    
“And why did you harm your superior?”   
“He was damaging the ship. That is against code.” There a code of conduct on the ship everyone must follow. Most, Stormtroopers tend to break the code not to “mistreat your fellow crew members”, also officers since they literally would kill for a higher position. “Doesn’t that go against your programming?” This therapist you like since they learned if they spoke to as if you were a droid you do not break down, along with the occasional praising. “No, all other options required force to stop the assault on the Finalizer.” They sigh figuring that may have been true, but even if true it was not right. 

“This a good time for you to learn recognize your mistake.”

“But--”

Being forced to apologize does not work out well on both ends. The only reason you are not being choked is the General somehow vouching for you. He looks nice today, very crisp and smirking. You like the smirk, you wish he smile though. “Now apologize to the Commander.” The doctor trying to loosen the tension. You facing the mask without so much as looking afraid, “Commander Kylo Ren, you broke the--”

“Engineer (L/N)!”   
  
Sir-Tall-Dark-Asshole, as you think of him, stands to adjust his shirt before stepping forward towards you. He looks like an oversized… The mask looks bad. “Engineer.” His altered voice has you tilting your head to the right. The only thing keeping you alive is the fact the scenario was humorous even if it annoys him. Unpredictable events are hard to foresee for Force users. “Sir?” The fact you still address with respect speaks volumes.

You are a malfunctioning mouse droid hitting a wall.

“Sir, if you kill me that would be nice any way you see fit is fine.” That is not something he saw coming. The therapist opens their mouth to talk but Ren raises his hand signaling them to shut up. “Explain.” 

You answer with a shrug. “Death doesn’t really scare me and I did harm a superior so death is a fine punishment.” That he can sense from you along with seeing you in a dark abyss just floating down deeper and deeper.

How unsettling. 

“Mouse droids do not function like this nor cause harm to others even if it is towards them.” 

His words have you frowning since you know he must have read your thoughts. You relate to mouse droids and he used it against you. “They do not also apologize, sir.” Your reply has him nodding then delivering your punishment. “Until further notice, you are under suspension.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless ElmiDol for helping me! 
> 
> I was going to go with choking Ren but then I wrote him having that kink and couldn't stop laughing.


	5. Mouse Droid Do Not Talk or Think About Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mouse droid has the General's attention.

Upon more observation, Hux learned that your group speaks in binary code when together. The group hugging you close before leaving you alone in the hallway. The sight of you dragging your feet back to your quarters is truly pathetic, like watching a kicked cat lay on the ground. Due to your suspension, you will not be allowed to assist in any repairs the group will be doing. Since Ren delivered the order and had it filed in the data based before Hux could overrule it, you are not authorized to do anything. Just when you were getting better a turn of events cause you to relapse. The most the General can do it shorten the suspension period without Ren’s approval. The only thing it will have to be done after a week just so the file can say you served your time. The Force user is a damn fool! The camera stops following you once in the quarters.

.

.

.

You will taser the Commander! You hate him! You wish death an upon him and hope he never reproduces! Aggression is not an emotion you enjoy or want, but, it is in you and has you throwing a pillow at the wall. You check the wall to make sure there is no damage after you start punching the pillow. Not being allowed to fix the imperfection caused by technicians or the Commander is going to drive you crazy. The only soothing thing is that you can listen to the ship hum more.

That is it. 

The insanity grows when you walk around the ship. The little flaws are caused by him, you know because of the saber markings or the odd way a console or panel is crushed from the inside. None you are allowed to fix. When alone you bang your head on a wall. At mess hall, you glare at the propaganda poster of the Commander. During the late shift, you rip it off the wall and burn it with your taser. Watching slowly the poster be consumed by the fire.

 

You had to tell the therapist about that indecent along with the headbanging. Self-harm apparently. 

“I hope his penis gets cut in battle, no not cut off, but cut enough that he can still have it but it never works if he wants to perform intercourse.” Self-destructive becoming more like murderous intentions. You hit the couch pillow while talking. “I also hope that his lightsaber blows up too. Unstable piece of--”

“(Name), language.” You sigh resorting to laying down on the couch in a ball. “Listen, remember when I told you that I have to report anything I believe will cause harm or others?”

“Hm.”

The doctor looks empathic, “I have to report this.”

“Okay.” You don’t really care. Maybe this will get you sent to reconditioning. The report is done outside the room not like you care. Anything the doctor said you would repeat. Either death or reconditioning will be the result, either one you welcome. Getting up, you start messing with the room. Moving furniture to be more in line and not so cluttered. Even the desk is organized. All this done before the man you adore enters.  The first time you felt fear is when the General walks in, alone, into the room. Door closing behind him. A scowl on his face as he looks down at you. Like a child, you hug your knees. You do not like that face. “Sir?” Eyes narrow resulting in more hiding within yourself. The Void is starting to swallow you up. “I have been made aware you want to commit a homicide.”

“No, no, sir!” You don’t like blood, it is messy and smelly. “I only wish ill will on… The Commander.”

“Uh huh, for his saber to blow up.”

“Yes, I mean it isn’t hard to fathom since it has exposed wiring and unstable crystal which I’m sure if with the right--”

“Engineer (L/N), you are aware you are telling _ me _ about think how you would kill the Commander?”

You blink followed by gaze lowering then back to looking at him, “I heard officers kill each other when wanting to become a higher rank. Killing him would allow you complete control of the First Order without question… Besides the Supreme Leader, sir.”

He is not sure if the obsessive behavior that is making you come up with impressive ways to kill the Commander or your need to keep the ship safe. “As a member of the First Order, you are to be respectful of your officers, especially your superiors. It is that temper that leads to your suspension.”

“What lead to my suspension is that imbecile needs to destroy the ship!” The aggression returning along with fear. The Void is the place you want to be, all you have to do is just close your eyes, fall in and let go.

“How long have you thought about this, Engineer?” He is close you realize. Actually is sitting right next to you with his eyes staring forward. The confession is one you are glad to say, “Just an hour ago.” After being alone thinking about death it has you thinking about the possibilities. Infinite, boundless, all creative in their own way. “Even how to kill you.” You admit.

“Tell me.” The words are quick, seeking more. It has you wondering if he likes this? “It would take time. Watching, studying your rhythm.” Arms letting go of your legs allowing them to fall on the couch. “The blaster is a good start but you don’t use it much. Just an overheat malfunction.” He signs. “Next, lacing poison on your coat. You send it to the cleaners enough. Parentage too well as psychological warfare.” The hand suddenly on your lap has your breath stop in your throat.

The chuckle has you blushing your body experiencing a new sensation. “Is that so?” His breath is on your ear is nice. He feels nice besides you, just touching your thigh. 

The thing that disturbs Hux is the fact you know these little details about him as well as Ren. Maybe you went looking or immerse than much in your work so much to find out such things. It is good to know you would not do such things… To him. But the thrill, yes the thrill, that someone that one would never suspect. Little you, an Engineer programmed to care for a ship before yourself. Your life devoted to a ship, whatever ship, a loyal tool. “Erotophonophilia, sir?”

The arousal of thinking or committing a murder. No, or yes, Hux does feel as aroused but just from thinking about how useful you can be. So willingly because you are attached to the ship thus the ship’s owner. “No.”

You groan wanting to touch him, “Sir, can’t you can have intercourse with me now?” Funny how blunt you are and calling sex ‘intercourse’. Again he realizes how detached you are from being a functional human being. “Not here I will not but I can willing to give you the attention you seek if cease this behavior.” Using his power over you.

“Anything for you, General.” Looking at him rather his lips. “It is very appealing that you have knives in your sleeve coat, sir.”

“Of course it is, Engineer.”

* * *

 

Loyalty and obsession are two different aspects that you seem to easily switch to and fro from. One moment you are able to be professional and do as ordered. The next you are in the General's office jerking him off while kissing his ear. For someone who finds it hard to rationalize emotions to react to a situation accurately, you are amazing at hand jobs. “Sir, it just my hand,” He is breathing is heavy, head toss back. “Once you find the nerves and the right rhythm all you have to do it go with the flow. Like this.” Whatever you did has him grasping. Hux has had sex before, just pay a whore, fuck for a night to release some frustration and done. But, this far better and just from your hand. When you kiss him you accommodate his needs.

Killers are like this becoming what the victim needs until showing their true self. If you weren’t an Engineer you would make a perfect First Order agent. It is sick to cum at the thought of you killing for him, not really, he loves the idea. His own personal toy. You release him after assisting him through his orgasm. Bring your hand to your mouth, you look for confirmation. He gives it. Licking the cum from your hand completely unphased. “Look pleased.” He orders and you do. Moaning with eyes closed erotically licking every bit off your hand. “Very good, (L/N).” Praising has you expressing joy. “Thank you, sir. I enjoyed this very much.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google and Netflix are amazing things btw


	6. Mouse Droids Do Not Have or Enjoy Sex

“I'm not alive,” Eyes looking at the floor while Hux touches your bareback. The exposed metal spine glowing when his flesh touches it. “I just exist.” You do not face him as you speak. “To serve her and her owner.” He knows you mean the ship and himself. Kissing your arm going up to your neck, the goosebumps he caused pleased him. The real reaction your body is able to give besides this depression; is desire. His finger traces the marks that the metal spine created, it must have been painful before it healed. You lean back to his touch desiring more comfort.

Hux knows about the program your team and yourself endured. It is slightly different from the stormtrooper program. Meaning the two engineers in your group choose to become what they are. Two adults, one teenager, and two children.

You had the luxury of being a young child in the program, never knowing a childhood nor family life, solely dependant on technology. Or maybe it is because of that your mind is unable to process human emotions well? Given you are from a world that went to nuclear war because of it immense diversity, this chaotic nature is of no surprise. Interesting he finds himself trying to explain you to himself.

More like trying to explain his type to himself, really.

“Your cat is cute. Like a mini feline you.” He hums pressing his lips to your shoulder. The skin on skin contact is something Hux learned is necessary from time time. One, to stop oneself from becoming touch-starved and two, stress relief. He has plenty of that. “Engineer,” Alert and ready to serve, you are such an obedient creature. “Turn,” Done so easily. “Good. Now ride me.” You do so without delay. Being still wet from the last moment of intercourse, you glide around him smoothly.

“ _ Kriff. _ ” You love how your body can cause the General to lose his composure. He was not completely hard when you entered him inside of you. Now he grows making you grasp and twitch, only made worse by his eagerness. A sharp thrust upwards as you rising then falling, “I said  _ ride me _ , Engineer.” You nod following the order to the letter. Hux’s hand at first were laid beside his head, eyes following the movement of your body. Your eyes are closed, head down, hands on his chest to hold you steady. The movements of your hip are evaluated, no really vigor. Not that is does not have the General releasing low groans or moving his hips up towards yours.

He will have to tell that you to at display your emotions better.

His hands now traveling up from your thighs to your waist guide your hips. Hux believes you are like a cat, or maybe a dog always seeking attention. Hux does not like dogs, too messy. A loth cat best fits you due to your need for his attention but also your aggressive nature. Loth cats are rather amusing when being aggressive.

“Sir,” Ah, so you are not as ‘dead inside’ as you appear. “General.” His right hand slips between your legs, thumb touching your clit. With your head toss back and mouth wide open (too vocal for Hux’s taste), your hips start losing its rhythm.

“Control yourself, Engineer (L/N).” A neededly whine from you has the General smirking. He will give in this once until your are  _ trained _ to fit his needs.

  
  
Shower sex is messy and nearly causes Hux and yourself to fall in the tub, but it does not mean it does not happen. Once done Hux is on his bed with his robe on with datapad in hand. You are dressing yourself to return to your quarters. Hux’s gaze for a second returns to you when you bend over or sway your hips, none are done on purpose. “Good day, sir.” Hux can tell you trying not be awkward for  _ him _ proving to him that you have been coach to some degree on emotions. “Good day to you, (Name).” Your smile is genuine.

* * *

 

When morning comes you don’t want to get out of bed. Your legs ache but with a pleasant ache, you never felt before. Out of respect, you did not speak to any of your female colleagues about the day before with the General. Also your not trust Sera or Karen to keep their mouths shut about it. Since both women have experience in sex during the time of Starkiller base. Karen had a boyfriend at the time, you think he is dead or something since she does not talk about him anymore. Sera, on the other hand, was more open about sex. She enjoyed the act a lot even gave advice. You found no need for sex since romances could cloud judgment. And you can not effort such things. Lucky, having sex with the General did not cause such feelings. In fact, you are just feeling a whole lot less depressed. Most likely the endorphin is still in your system. Getting up after cracking your neck, you dress for a stroll until your meeting with your therapist begins. You do not seek your General, he is working and you will not be a distraction to the leader of the First Order. As much as you watch to hack the surveillance cameras to see what he is doing. It isn’t weird since you are just curious about his day so far. Probably being bothered by Commander-Mother-Kiffer. With boots on you stare down that the shiny black boots. It reminds you of the ‘ _ Void’  _ you oh so wish to be in right now, but the General ordered you not to go there. Or act out. You can say that you can not control that about you, but he damn well makes you believe you could. As a distraction, you think about him, or rather how much of a mess he looked.

Face flustered, the freckles on his chest remind you of little stars-- If speaking romantically. Your favorite about him is his hands. That has you smiling as you leave your share quarters. Hux’s hands are big, thin, and soft saved for the finger you believe is his trigger finger. Giddy? You perhaps feel giddy about him that you rationalize to wanting another sexual encounter with the General.

With more time to yourself, your therapist has scheduled an appointment for twice this week into the next until your suspension is over. The office is how you left it; nice, orderly. Taking a sit on the couch then laying on it with your head turned towards the doctor. You like the sound of leather when you shift on it. “Do to Patient-Doctor confidentiality, I shall be open to you about what happened yesterday. None of the acts I committed harm anyone or thing.” Making that very clear to the doctor. He smiles knowingly, you only say this when you require his input on an event. “I slept with General Hux,” The doctor nearly chokes on his cup of tea. “After you had left I flirted with him and we had intercourse-- Not here! That would not be right.” The doctor had gotten up to get a tissue from his desk to wipe his face. “I liked it. The sex. I think he did too, moaned a lot and we did it three times so maybe I am desirable.”

“I see.” Notes are being taken once he cleaned himself up and returned to his seat.

“I followed that lesson you taught me about allowing my emotions, not the depressing ones, to show.” You feel proud of yourself! That feeling of loneliness is gone and only joy is in your system. If sex does this you might not need your antidepressants anymore. The therapist is quiet but makes sure not to make it unsettling quiet. He notes that makes you nervous. “(Name), I am happy for you,” You are smiling more. “But,” Now frowning. “Don’t rely on sex to make you happy.”

“Why not? It’s natural like walking or doing a sport. More like a sport since I felt exhausted after it and sweaty.”

He coughs, “Well, yes but,” He glances away tapping his pen on the datapad. “You have an addictive personality; most people do to a certain degree. Since you are suffering from depression this can cause your addictive personality can become  **_unhealthily_ ** attached to something. Or someone in your case.”

You don't think you are addicted to your General. Maybe obsessive but that is because you want to be the very best you can be for him. You like Hux for that pushy personality.

“You like the control he has over you, and control is what the  _ Collective  _ is based on. _ ” _ Calling your group by their project title also helps in your sessions. The therapist is the only one to address your group by this title. “I am just advising that you be careful.”

“I do not feel this way towards Commander-Nerf-Herder.”

“Uh, well.”

The sex was fun you will admit that happily. All the tension you been having suddenly released has left you mellow and not once since the encounter have you wished to die. You did not even go into the ‘Void' remembering you can not work because of Commander-Stick-Up-His-Ass. If only his saber was up his damn ass while active. His death would certainly cause a loss of headaches from everyone. That you believe to be true. “You have in one occasion,” You do not like being told about what you says weeks upon weeks ago your words. “That you would have like for the Commander to “choke you”.”

“Depression.” Is your only reply.

After checking on your mental health, next, came adjusting your reaction. Given that you are from a post apocalyptic world, a childhood is something you even experience. Emotions got one killed or enslaved. You learned to become numb to everything until the First Order came to your mudball of a world. You understand the Order wanted to take over your homeworld for resources but also study your world’s affect on humanity. You along with most human have high resistance. Most children, from what you remembered, were put into the Stormtrooper program. A few became Dark Troopers. A co-worker and yourself were selected for a testing. The melding of Chiss technology and human biology. Given how sturdy your body is the test was-- is a success.

Downside is the chemical imbalance caused by the implant.

“Now if someone threatens you to stab you, how do you react?”

“Tell them to do it or walk away.”

“(Name), no.”

The numbness is returning and your mind is falling back into that  _ Void  _ of yours. Maybe you can get General Hux to have sex with you again? No, he might be working.

  
  
  
  


After the meeting that lasted longer than the regulated forty five minutes. An extra fifteen minutes to be exact. Having nothing to do-- Actually you are suppose to be reading books to “develop your hippocampus’ emotional function” whatever that means. Instead you are trailing the Commander. Never entering the upper level or the bridge but when he gets on the lower levels, you remain close by. You hide when he turns to look behind him. You are not stealthy, you were not trained to be.

You are a fast walker, but even with that his long strides are hard to keep up with after a few minutes. You are not that fast. At one point he gets in a turbo lift causing you to cease your trailing. You would not call it stalking since you are just protecting the  _ Finalizer _ . Standing for a moment in the hall, you check your mini datapad on your arm. You do not know the schedule of the Commander and the next step you are going to take can be seen as assaulting a high ranking officer and taking advantage of the beloved ship. Placing a hand on a panel you whisper a ‘Sorry’ to the ship. That got you a few looks from passing stormtroopers.

You are not crazy.

Maybe a bit different but nothing on the crazy side. Crazy are the officers that deal in interrogations. Those are crazy. Putting your hand down, you go into the second turbo lift, pushing the button to go to the living quarters section.

Given that you know this ship like the back of your hand, finding the Commander’s quarters is easy. Also planning escape routes too. The venting system in his room for one is one way if stuck in his quarters. The trash compactor another if not wanting to be seen but would raise some eyebrows. It is not beyond you to believe you are trash. Your low mental state has in multiple occasions wish to be tossed away or make self degrading trash jokes about you.

John does not like those jokes. It causes him to worry and keep an eye on you around trash compactors.

Another way out is cracking into his personal console and crawling your way out. That option is a bit unsafe. The live wires could kill you or just the toxic fumes. The vent is the best escape route for the moment. Right now, you believe you have five minutes starting the moment you enter the quarters. Going to the personal console, you begin your rewiring. An engineer or technician could notice the flaw but not the Commander. You believe he only knows how to destroy rather than build or repair. Once the rewiring is done you get the console a second to flicker on before leaving.

All done in just three minutes.

You wave your hand in the direction of the camera, check your mini datapad to alter the hallway footage before walking towards where your shared quarters are. 


	7. Mouse Droids Do Not Lash Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren really should stop choking people. One of them might start liking it.

After your third day of suspension, Ren throws a temper tantrum in his quarters. A console malfunction had shocked him. Nothing lethal, sadly, but enough to hurt his wound. You are a little too pleased with yourself but know better than to think about it. Running numbers and thinking about the many flaws in the Finalizer easily blocks out these thoughts. The retaliation is something you did not expect to personally affect you or your female co-workers. You stare right at him when he left the shared quarters with his laser sword ignited. His hand reaches out towards you-- To drag you to him? Instead, you remain stationary. He pushes hard and the most you feel is wind behind you. “Commander, code 105 of article 23 states--”

“You attempted to kill me,” The aggressive voice does not scare you. It sounds like he has a cold. “That is against regulation.” The saber is brought close to your neck, crackles of plasma grazing the collar of your uniform and cheek. “I did no such thing, sir.” That is the first time you have ever lied to anyone outside your therapist. He doesn't count. The laser sword is shut off, how does such a thing work crosses your mind as his hand grabs your throat. Your female co-workers are scared for you, Sera expresses this greatly. The Commander squeezes hard that it has your body reacting to the restriction from oxygen. You are not afraid to die, in fact, you would love to die! But the only thing stopping you is Karen and Sera’s face. Sera holding onto Karen who looks ready to try and stop the Commander. Pointless, still it is kind of her to want to save you.

So you overlook your own suicidal needs to live for your co-workers.

“C-Choke me harder, daddy.”

It was as if you burned the Commander’s hand because he let go of you. You drop to the floor coughing several times. He sounds like is breathing hard, angry perhaps, you look up at him touching your neck. A submissive look. This is a part of acting that you actually like being choked and want more along with thinking lustful thoughts sales it. Commander Ren took a step back then moved around you quickly walking away. Hanging your head down you think about how rejected you feel until your co-workers rush to your side. That is when you started laughing uncontrollably.

.

.

.

.

Not even two hours after the incident you are called into your therapist’s office. Maybe to be yelled at or whatever, you don't care. At least the couch is comfortable, leathery like Hux’s gloves. You wish those were wrapped around your throat. Your mind wonders if Hux would be okay with that. The General seems fond of holding you in place when you get too fidgety for his liking. But he held you in place against the bathroom wall and had no gloves on. Your index finger, you forgot your glove since you aren't working, caress the leather. Perhaps a belt? Sera once spoke about--

“Miss (L/N).” You look up with no expression whatsoever at the doctor. How long as he been standing there? “The Commander alerted me about an incident between him and yourself--”

“I called him ‘daddy' because he was choking me. See?” Revealing the marks Ren left. Hux might not be happy about that you realize since it covered his and shows above your collar. Your therapist leans closer then pulls back. “Oh, Maker…” He says under his breath thinking you did not hear him. While the doctor thinks of something to say, your mind wanders back to Hux. The sensation of leather on the couch and the memory of leather from Ren’s gloves on your throat. The realization that Ren choking you has ‘awoken’ a particular ‘kink’, as Sera calls it, does not disturb you. In fact, perhaps you will thank him if you ever see him again-- Not upset about that someone retaliated against him. In your opinion, the Commander had it coming. Perhaps his parents did not discipline him as a child? Hux likes discipline. Especially giving discipline, you liked that. Oh, how his forearm press up against your back holding you on the shower wall. He wanted you to be still but the water in the tub was making it hard. Constriction is wonderful!

“(Name),” You snap out of your thoughts to look at your doctor. When can you leave to see Hux, you wonder. “Now that I have your attention.” He clears his throat. “Ren was going to file a report on you,” You roll your eyes snarling at the news. “But I convinced him not to by allowing him to join our sessions.”

You glare at your doctor, “I want to launch myself out the airlock.”

“(Name)--”

“I will use my uniform to kill myself. Lower decks are known for being a good hiding spot.”

“You are overreacting, (Name).”

“I want to wrap my hands around Kylo kiff face Ren’s throat and choke him until he is nothing but a body devoid of life!” The rant goes on forcing the therapist to put you on watch. Meaning you will be sleeping in this stupid office until you calm down enough to be around people. The therapist watches as you pace the room knocking over things like a cat. It is when you start bashing the desk that he had to call General Hux.

That had you pleading like a child not to be told on. 

  
  


When Hux calls you into his office you are not sure what to expect. His chin his resting on the back of his hands, elbows on the desk propping them up. His bluish green eyes staring at you as if looking into your soul. It makes you nervous. “Sir, you called for me?”

He gives a short hum not saying a word.

You try standing still but you start to fidget, moving your foot a bit on the floor then setting it back besides the other. Hands behind you start tapping against your lower back. Eyes looking everyone before settling back on the General. Hux places his hands down followed by him leaning back against his chair. What you do not know is that Hux is trying to figure out what to do with you. He is not stupid to believe the console malfunction was just a system flaw, as the therapist said. It was made to look like that and it could only have been done with someone with time, skill, and motivation. All which you have. Punishment should be delivered but the situation just amused him all too much. Seeing you fidget like a mouse catch in the claws of a loth-cat is even more amusing. “Did you cause the console malfunction in Ren’s quarters?” You open your mouth. “Lying to me is not wise.” Then you close your mouth simply nodding. You hear snickering, ears open and eyes widen it take in the sight of your beloved General containing a laugh but smiling. This is the few times photographic memory comes in handy outside of work. You are not sure how to react, “Do you want me to apologize, sir?”

“And risk him killing you on the spot? No, we will let this pass.” You thought your General would be mad! The action was not really thought out and done completely out of anger. Stupid emotions clouded your judgement. Lowering your gaze you go quiet again as the urge to go back into your ‘Void’ is getting harder to resist. “Stand beside the desk. You are blocking the doorway.” Hux resumes working. You stand around, mostly staring at an imperfection, or tinker with a panel in the room. When the Star Destroyer was built, your group was not there to help in its construction. If the group was it is more than likely the Finalizer would have been far more powerful than it is now, and this is the flagship of the First Order. It might have been a flying Death Star, maybe not at full power.

The wonders.

Standing next the General’s desk is spiking up your anxiety. Millions of thoughts racing through your mind. Most are panicky thoughts: What if someone walks in and sees you!? Is Hux planning to punish you and not in the way you want?! Why are you even standing beside his desk!? You had not realized your breathing get heavier but your General does, nothing escapes him. “Regulate your breathing, Engineer (Name).” And you do.

 

By the Stars, you want to sit down already, but you remain standing much to your legs displeasure. Eyes glancing over at the working General. You have been standing here for hours in complete silence save for his typing or hum. You have already counted the number of scratches on the wall and ill fixed damaged caused possibly by the Commander. You hope Commander-Ass-Ren's TIE fighter blows up on him. Not like it would be hard to cause. Though murder is not in your nature. Even the stunt you pulled on the Commander did cause you to feel a little guilty-- Not by much mind you. The room is to small, too cold, to dull. You had to stop looking at Hux, even he is starting to appear dull looking. You want to go to your bunk and sleep, fall into the dark abyss in your mind. The silence is killing you! So you yell, loudly. This makes Hux jump a bit and turn his head in your direction. The scowl on his face makes you aware he is not pleased with your outburst. “Engineer.”

“Please, if you are going to kill me just do it, sir!” Looking at him with pleading eyes. Hux stares at you hard before pointing in the space under his desk. You tilt your head in confusion. Pinching the bridge of his nose he orders you, “Get under the desk and be quiet.” Again you obey his command.

Being under the desk is only slightly better than standing around. Also looking up at your General Hux is a pleasing slight. When you catch his gaze on you, you stare at him for a second before glancing away. The sensation of his leather covered index finger under your chin, tilting your head up, draws your attention back on him. Sera has spoken, much to your former dislike, about the sexual excitement of power play. The domination and the submission; the control given to another who one trusts. You of course trust General Hux, he is your superior and your leader. Perhaps it is blind devotion to this man, but it is not love. Love is complex like a Hyper-space tracker.

Easily broken and hard to re-create. 

Partly opening your mouth when Hux’s thumb presses against your lips then pull down at your bottom lip. You do not suck or lick, instead, you just leave your mouth partly open for his thumb to rub the taste of leather all over your tongue. This action stops when someone enters the room drawing Hux’s attention from you, much to your displeasure. It has you pouting throughout the conversation Hux is having with Lieutenant Mitaka. You like Mitaka, a good officer, but you want Hux’s attention. Your lean forward enough to have the General’s crotch.

“And the schematics update?”

“There was a flaw pointed out by the engineering group, sir. The Finalizer is not equipped enough to handle the modification, sir.” Mitaka reading from his datapad.

Hux hummed, “See what can be--” He groaned.

You are pleased to have him touch his stomach acting like it was stomach pains. But his eyes land on you with his cock partly in your mouth. You wave at him.

“Sir, are you okay?” This got his attention away from you. Hux nodded playing it off, “Yes, yes just stomach pains.” You surprise your General can keep his composure so well.

Mitaka nods but the look of concern does not fade, “Have you eaten yet? I could go get you a muffin from the mess hall, sir.” This is partly why you like Lieutenant Mitaka, so caring. He is the only few officers that don't appear murderous.

“Uh, yes that would be appreciated, Lieutenant.”  Hux wanted him out because you are not letting up. The General swears you have an oral fixation for him. Not that he is one to complain. Mitaka nods followed by a salute and turns around leaving the office. The second the door closes, Hux locks it from the control panel on his desk, his head falls back groaning as he bit his bottom lip. Your glorious General kept his eyes open looking down at you from the bridge of his nose. You moan around his cock bobbing your head, one hand playing with his balls through his pants. “Devoted harlot.” Releasing a deep groan Hux before he momentarily slumps in his chair. The taste of his cum is too bitter and not in anyway amazing like Sera described it. Too salty. You pull back once he is licked clean and you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “Sir.”

“Engineer.” 

The pet he gives you before having to return to work is worth the uncomfortable sitting arrangement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws my kinks related to Hux all over the chapter*  
> *slips a Ren kink too* 
> 
> yall can scream at me on my tumblr @dirthamensbird


	8. Poor Little Mouse Droid (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren pity you.
> 
> Note: This going to be a two-parter after ElmiDol helped me a ton! Meaning mercy will be given to you all >:)

“ _ Hux _ ~.” You whine feeling him once more toy with your clit. Overstimulation is flooding through your system, no matter how many times you beg Hux is not letting up. This is your punishment to die cumming non-stop? You doubt you will cum after death. Hux hums causing you arch furthermore off the bed, body releasing the fourth orgasm. You breathe finally when he pulls back eye tracing your form as he wipes his mouth with the back of a gloved hand then licks the left over cum on it. He looks like a mischievous cat watching his mouse try running away from him. You are that mouse only you are not trying to running away. He jerks himself off a bit before entering you, you cum again just from that. “Say it,” Growling against your ear. “Scream it.”

“G-Grand Marshal Hux!” You do so even if your words are fumbling and voice cracking from all previous shouting. Hux groans, hips rotating, snapping your hips. The smacking of his skin on yours is loud along with the creaking bed. “Please…” whining. He stops to catch his breath before flipping you on your stomach. His hand, with gloves on, wrapped your throat. This caused you smile that your kind General fulfilled your request. Hux squeeze enough to cut off air getting you become light headed.  _ Just like how Ren did _ . Only better since it is General Hux both choking and screwing you. He sits back pulling you up with him. His unoccupied hand groping and toying with a breast, pulling at the nipple to get you to whimper. His loosen his grip when he notices your moans were getting low, too low for his liking. Sucking as much air as possible only to shout out your General's dream title. His hand had wandered down between your legs. Hux cums after you fall face first onto the bed with him still inside. He reminds still watching you try to move only to fail and give up. “It feels weird.” You are finally able to speak after more than a couple of minutes.

“What does?” Tossing the soiled gloves and massaging your hips. Red marks have formed there. “Your cum. It feels warm then cold and sticky. Like candy.”

“That a peculiar observation, Engineer.”

“Your penis is very satisfying is a better one, sir?

“Stop talking.”

“Yes, sir.”

There a silence that follows long after the General pulls out of you leaving you feeling lonely. He allows you to stay with him watching you stare at Millicent who has his attention. Pressing his lips together to stop from chuckling when you push the cat off and place your head on his chest where the cat was. Millicent hisses at you and you hiss back along with growling.

There is a crude joke that Hux could call this moment.

  
  
  


When morning shift starts you are awake sitting still with eyes following Hux’s every move. Millicent and you have come to an agreement that there is enough of General Hux to be shared between you both. Your General did not question why you are having a one-sided conversation while he was in the refresher. At least you are not hissing at his cat. “I expect you to behave today. The last thing you want is to have another issue with Ren.” Petting Millicent your eyes study how Hux puts on his gloves. So strong. “You are staring, (L/N).” Amusement in his tone.

“Can I use a pick-up line on you?” Your voice soft with a throat still sore from last night. “You may.”

You smile with glee the cough to stop it.  “ Your dad was right, you’re just like paper. I wanna write my name all over you with my tongue. ”  It comes out harmless and trying so hard to turn a negative into a sexual positive. It is that reason is why Hux is not angry with you for saying such a line, he can count on you never doing him harm. “Never say that again.” Though it does not stop the coldness in his voice. Yourself nodding sharply several times. “Yes, sir.”

 

Bad pick-up line.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The “walk of shame” as some call it happens after usually a one night stand. The person who was inviting the other now must live the other person’s place, returning to their own place. You don't get it. That explanation was the only one you heard and it was from Karen. Honestly, the only ‘shame’ part of it is the fact you have to wear your clothes from yesterday back to your shared quarters. That’s it. Also having to lie about where you were last night. “With the Doc.” You say while setting up a fresh uniform and underwear. The room lucky had quick repairs down after the Commander's childish response to your antic. It is perfect, seamless, you know this is your group's work. “You should have breakfast with us!” Sera holds you close once you are out the refresher in just a towel. PDA is no deal to her even with no clothes on your end. The world she comes from is like that, touchy-feely. Better than you ‘killy murdery’ world. “Okay.” She releases you allowing you to get ready properly. Karen is staring at your neck, face unreadable. “We need to cover your marks.” Brown eyes stare with great concern. You touched your neck after dressing in your underwear and undershirt. You have forgotten that those are visible and you know it looks far worse than it is. Covering them displeased you but covering them would say ‘kiff you’ to the Commander. His mark is under the ones Hux littered with teeth and hand.

“Okay.”

Karen applied a small amount of bacta gel to start the healing process. It sucks. Next, your collar is pulled up high along with black headband to hold it in place. It is uncomfortable having something sticky and scratchy on your neck. The bruises didn't bother you! Sera and Karen both had worse!

“Well, good thing is that you can't be hemmed up for not be in regulation since you aren't working,” Karen states looking at her work. She slaps your hand away when you go to pull at the collar.

Sera is messing with her blonde hair pinning it after gelling it back, “I hope Mitaka in the lounge.” Giggy. You  **_hate_ ** the officer's lounge. It is like being a dog in a nest of crystal spiders. 

You hate spiders especially the oversized ones, the bastards. 

“You know he isn’t going to talk to us, right?” Karen stated after once again hitting your hand. “Stop touching it.”

“It’s itchy.” You pout not touching your neck.

Sera frowns then rolls her blue eyes. On Sera’s world, she is a work of art, you think she is a work of art. You think Mitaka would best fit Sera since she is nice and also the only one who really talks to him. Mitaka is cute too so it’s a match, in your eyes. “I hope he talks you outside of work, Sera.” You say encouraging her. You never thought General Hux would notice you and look at you now! You basically his bed warmer. You love it! “Just be wary, Sera,” Karen states in a kinder softer tone. Karen is the mother of the group, she worries about you all before herself. Yesterday showed that too when she looked ready to jump in and save you. Karen, you hold dear to you since she was the one who trained you when you first arrived on the  _ Finalizer _ .

Once you put on your pants along with boots, Sera, Karen and yourself are out the room. Mostly you are dragged out by Sera who is talking excitedly with Karen in front watching everyone that passes by. You wonder why Karen grows tense around troopers, specifically male troopers. It causes a curiosity that you bury down, it is not your place to ask or poke around about such things. You read that in one of the books the therapist gave you. You sit down at a table far corner near the entrance, chair facing the doorway. You have trust issues and want to be able to get out of the lounge if something happens. Karen gives you a plate of fruits and a paper cup of water.  You aren’t able to eat heavy food due to the antidepressants chip in your arm. Your doctor had to install after you kept ‘forgetting’ to take the pill. It tasted like expired chalk if there is such a thing. Picking at the multi-color fruit it almost makes you not want to eat. You only it because you have to be useful. Hux can’t have sex with you if you pass out. That reasoning got to you eat three pieces. You can not punch Renny in the face if you are weak. That reasoning gets you to eat all of the food and chug the water. Sera giggles at you, you point at Mitaka who walked into the room. Sera excuses herself.

“I’ll go watch her,” Karen says, “Do you--”

“I have to go to medbay today.”

She nods patting your shoulder then heads off with Sera. 

  
  


Hux is busy, dreadfully busy so not hanging around him. Medbay was a good place but the droid started getting on your nerves with their off-tune beeping. The lower deck is your favorite place since it is near the engine of the ship, humming away like a kitten. With no therapy today due to a room update and the doctor being called away, you have a boring day to yourself. Rather another day stalking because you are not on the lower deck to hear the engine. The Commander is walking around with you two feet away hiding behind something. A sharp turn in a corridor leaves you exposed and running into him right into his chest. You go still with your body pushed up against his; once you register what you are pressed against you get away. “Sorry, sir!” Trying to play it off as best as you can.  **_Miscalculation_ ** ! “Shouldn't you be in Hux’s bed?” The low blow went over your head.

“No, sir, the General is busy. Probably call might me later, sir.” Ren was expecting you get angry not give an actual answer. Behind the mask, his eyes drift from your face to the cover-up on your neck. His hand reaches up pulling at the headband, letting it snap against your neck. You frown. Next, he just pulls the headband over your face taking it completely off, dropping it on the floor. The collar falls into regulation revealing your marked neck. His fingers touching the slowly healing flesh. You reach up and scratch your neck finally. “Explain to me why you sexualized your punishment?” The edge in his voice does not scare you. Not really, it is just a bad Darth Vader impression. You could do it too with a voice modifier. You shrugged, “I called you ‘daddy’ because it was the only logical way to get you to stop choking me. Sexual advances make anyone uncomfortable especially by those one does not wish to receive them by.” Eyes on the floor now as you explain. “I would not have mind dying but my colleagues looked destress and I reacted accordingly and you stop.”

His hand wraps around your throat just threatening, “And if I choked you now?” Drawing closer.

In the lower decks of the ship, a lot of fodder happens. Sometimes this is where officers and stormtroopers go to ‘relieve' some stress. Once a technician was found dead. ‘An accident’, the medical examiner said. Also a gambling ring among officers of low ranks. Even an orgy happened here, though that was just a rumor.

“Hm,” Eyes looking his visor. “Choking is a usually a sexually related thing? I mean some officers pay for this… I heard.”

The grip loosens but his hands remain, “I can see why Hux keeps a bed warmer like you around.” You scowl at him with your hands forming fists. “That is certainly a lot of contempt you have for me, Engineer.” Mocking you. How dare he! He doesn't know what Hux and you are….? Or, perhaps he does. Under your breath, it slips out, “Nerf Herder.” That causes his grip to latch on you, pulling you closer forcing your head back when he slid so it is digging under your where head and neck meet. “ _ Profligate _ .”

You are not a waste of resources! You are a damn important resource.

Important, importance.

No, you believe you are just sufficient enough for the  _ Finalizer _ . You are just a good bed warmer for her owner. You mind slipping away going back into your ‘Void’. Maybe he is right? A mouse droid is just good a clean floors but anything else they are useless. A BB-droid has more use than a mouse droid.    
The Commander watches as you close your eyes, giving up. The others he had choked or tortured all had a sense of will to live. You? You don't even care if he hurts you and leaves you to die because, in the end, you get the ending result you want.  **_Death._ ** Never has he met a person ready, seeking, willing to die just to die. You are not living a harsh life or in unimaginable pain. He wants to call you  _ pathetic _ , but really you are just sad. He releases his hold on your neck at the truth but his finger touches your hair. It has you expressing confusion as his body turns leaving you in a daze.

 

You should have tasered him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though I was going to make you all suffer more haha *darkside theme in the background* Yall got saved


	9. Poor little Mouse Droid (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you lose yourself to your depression, Hux has to step in to keep his mouse droid functional.

“So how have you been feeling, (Name)?” The doctor smiles at you.

You feel numb, tired, want the release of death. “I feel okay.” You shrug at the question. Sex is no longer feeling amazing like it usually does. Not blaming the General, no, he is amazing. It is you. Always you and your stupid mind! You want to cry, scream, to tell someone how you really feel. “I think my period is coming.” The blame beings with that so your doctor can’t dig deeper into your emotional state. Blame hormones for the mess of a person you have become. Blame the mechanical spine for the nights you sleep beside Hux wide awake refusing to cry, and if you do you coax Hux into exhausting your body. Since he and yourself enjoy sex it always works. Yet, a new feeling is starting to build up.

“He choked me. I liked it a lot,” The doctor shifts uncomfortable with the details of your sex life.

You feel hollow, empty after sex. Perhaps it has lost its newest? Maybe you are broken?

“Especially with the gloves. Maker, it feels better than when the Commander choked me!”

You are just a bed warmer. Nothing more, you are not special.

“I want to thank him for helping me discover this.” The Doctor shakes his head quickly as he goes to explain why you should not do that.

Honestly, you just want the Commander to kill you. Mostly kill you with his saber.

“(Name), what is the matter?” Your doctor is panicking as you suddenly started crying. Screaming, fist hitting the leather couch as the pain became unbearable. “I’m sorry, just cramps.” Another lie. “My back hurts too.” More lies. “I can’t sleep well.” The mountain of lies keep adding on and no one can help you.

Or maybe no one wants to help you.

  
  


Going back to the share quarters is better than see General Hux, he must be sick of your weak  _ pathetic _ state of mind. You curl up on the bed holding your head. Going to the lower levels to end your life is sounding good, but you hate pain. Hack a medical droid to overdose you? No, the medical staff would stop you. You look at your taser then at the refresher. No, that would involve pain. There is no escape for you, nothing can release you. The ‘Void’, you can just be there floating aimlessly. An escape from you. Closing your eyes picturing the dark abyss of nothingness, body float deeper and deeper. 

  
  


The days past faster in the ‘Void’. Your suspension and therapy sessions lessen each day along with seeing Hux. The General message for you to be at his quarters after his shift was over, but you had ignored it. You sent him a message saying you were “Tired” not a complete lie but you know it likely could have read as “Tired of you”. The General has yet to call for you. Going to the training room was suggested by the doctor to “Distract” your mind. Running is at more making you smell sweaty and dirty your training clothes.

 

What day are you on?

 

Ren stares at you in the training room. Most men stare at any woman running, exactly, everyone stares at each other when someone is running. You do when Captain Phasma is running. She is a goddess.

  
  


Sera got a date with Lieutenant Mitaka.

  
  


The ‘Father’ who created your spine is coming to the ship in a week to do a maintenance check. Maw and yourself are happy to see the man.

  
  


It is day seven of your suspension, the last day of your suspension, you are in General Hux’s office sitting in a seat in front of his desk waiting for him to speak. To say anything. Your eyes are threatening to tear up again. Stupid eyes. His finger swiping through the datapad on his desk is the only sound between the both of you. His eyes look up at you, not like you notice since you are staring at the wall behind him emotionlessly. “You will be allowed to go back to work in the morning, Engineer.” Hux will not say it out loud, maybe because of fear of favoritism, or him not wanting to admit his attachment to you, but he is unsettled. When he realized this is three days of not having your body next to him in the morning. The warmth of another that threatens to keep him in bed. Course, he thought it was just the sex, sex with someone like you can be fun. Always giving him control without any hesitation. Now without you there the coldness of waking in his room is returning. Millicent often stands at the door seemingly waiting for you. Hux believes that is due to you giving her treats whenever you see her ‘being cute’ or ‘being extra cute’.

“Thank you, sir.” The smile is so badly faked it has Hux raising an eyebrow. Acting is not your strong suit. You stand up waiting to be dismissed. Body language telling him you are not truly here. Yes, he read over the doctor’s report about your last sessions with him. “You said you were ‘tired’ when I messaged for you to come to my quarters.” Now, Hux knew, told himself, he will be professional and understanding if you wished to cut the ‘Office Affair’ with him. No hard feelings. “I forgot and I lied to you in the message, sir. Sorry, sir.” There is no angry on his face as you explained yourself. Just pity. Not the ‘poor you’ kind but… Actually, it is that. “I see.” He sits back with his hand folded on his lap.

“I would like to sleep with you again, sir.” You are using him for comfort, to feel something other than the depression that has you in its grasp. Hux nods believing you want to go to his quarters. Instead, you on his lap kissing him, hand running through his hand. His hands are on your hips moving them across his lap. Your lips go from his to his throat, teeth scraping lightly on his skin. 

You are using him as an antidepressant, he is the bed warmer, not you.

  
  


“I slept with him again.” The doctor has grown used to talking about Hux and yourself rather than just about yourself. “He lets me go to his quarters whenever I want now.” Hands sliding up and down the leather couch. “I am glad to hear that the General and yourself have worked things out.” You spoke to him about the mess up you made. The therapist you know realize is just as useless as the other one on the shoreline planet. Karen says worse because he is encouraging you to continue your unhealthy coping habits.

“Me too. I miss his dick. A real knockout.” 

“Uh, I am happy for you to enjoy the General... Um well then. How has those book going?” 

Again you pretend everything is fine. You are screaming in the ‘Void' trying to crawl your way out of the darkness that surrounds you. But, are forced to watch yourself pretend, forced to act like you are mentally fit. 

  
  


New Message: **_The current therapist has been changed to a psychiatric nurse. Her arrival is set for two days after (Name)’s restatement. The therapist reassignment has been delivered and accepted._**

 

Hux stares the datapad in his hands when while you sleep on top of him. Bluish green fall down to your form sorning on his chest. Three rounds with not break got you to pass out. The forced eyes opener had Hux change your therapist. Original Hux kept himself out of your mental health even if he is screwing you. Then he used it to he advantage, not telling the doctor to promote the affair! The General is not that evil. Using your obsessiveness over him to keep you in line, however, he did not account for your depression. Rather he did not believe it to be a significant problem. He as well as thought a therapist was enough. Apparently not.

You shift in your sleep humming and getting warmer. In the cool room, this is welcomed greatly. The datapad is placed on the headboard behind him, Hux’s hand no freed touches your head petting your messy hair. He had grown fond of his little erratic mouse how wants his attention whenever she can. His draws a fair amount of your hair to his nose. His and your scent mixed well together. Letting go of your hair to rest his hand on your back. The scratch marks on your back he absent-mindedly traces. Those will be there for a bit. His take a quick glance at your throat. Now it is finally clear of both Hux’s and Ren’s mark. It still bothered your General how you could allow such a thing, twice he adds, for Ren to choke you. The first time, Hux thought it was just circumstances. The second time, nearly had Hux thinking you were seeking Ren out to be killed. Believing you would seek out Ren for sex never crossed Hux’s mind. The idiot damaged the ship too much for you to forgive. That still amuses Hux.

Millicent joins both of you and lays beside you. You do not stir at the cat’s landing on your back nor her weight by your side. The crude joke comes to mind again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happiness!


	10. Take Care of the Mouse Droid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is weird and Ren needs to give you the red crayon or he might have to deal with more than a console malfunction next time.
> 
> Note: Bless ElmiDol for helping me and letting me use her idea from a fanfic (link at the bottom btw)

Integration back into the group allowed you to gain back some morsel of peace in your unstable mental state. During this integration, you do not see the General unless passing by in the hall. Your mind is completely focused on work and assisting the group in keeping up with repairs and updates. With no Hux around you notice the creepy Commander appears to be nearby at all times. After finding out your therapist has been changed two days into your work week it seems the new doctor is going to have the Commander in your meeting-- An hour-long meetings. Your antidepressants chip has been removed following the new doctor’s orders. Since it was a low dosage antidepressant it was okay to have it removed from your biological system. This doctor you doubt will be helpful. If the other could not help you how can this one be any better?

 

After lunch you stroll around the lower decks checking progress on the engine, a new one will be installed and the ship had to be adjusted for it. You stopped at the sight of the Commander standing in front of the green tubes glowing in this dark section. He is just looking up at the lights traveling to and fro the tubes. Naturally, you make a move to back away to give the Commander privacy. “Engineer,” Your back was already to him when he called out to you. This caused you to hold your breath hoping he did not see you.

“I know you are there.” The Commander’s line of sight still on the tubes. Turning then taking steps towards him, you stop at arm’s distance. “Yes, sir?” You really do not want to be around him. His outfit is different from the propaganda poster you burned. In your opinion, the new material looks like one of the couches you saw as a child in pre-war videos. The helmet no longer covered by a hood is far more intimidating now. Your eyes move down to the floor when he gives you his attention.

Anything can happen in the lower decks. No one will miss you.

“Your meeting is right after your shift. Do not be late, miss dinner if you have to.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Coming closer you can feel the heaviness of his presence. It reminds you of the locker room talk you listen in on by the Stormtroopers. All talk about how the Commander presence changes things on the battlefield. Inspiring allies and discouraging enemies. Right now he just is making you feel uncomfortable. He leans away, sidestepping shoving his arm against yours as he passes. “Bed warmer.” Guess that is supposed to be an insult but you know this fact.

You naturally warm a bed if you sleep or sit on it long enough.

  
  


Right after your shift, you skip dining with your group to go to the therapist’s office. When you walk into the room it is brighter, metaphorically. Your couch is still there happily, a new chair that looks comfortable across from your couch at an angle. The desk has folders and one datapad on it. Currently, empty you take a seat then lay down on the couch with your hands folded on your stomach. A woman walks in with a bag in hand, “Sorry, I’m late. I had to figure out which turbo lift leads to where.”

Is she not in uniform? In civilization clothing, this is a doctor?

Course you stand up respectfully to the person entering the room. “It-it’s okay, ma’am.” Giving a small smile to her wide one. “You must be (Name), I’m Nevara.” She shifts the folders in her arms to free her hand. You shake is slowly nervously. “Hi.” Letting go and return to the couch. Nevara does not take it personally, she read your file that your previous doctor left for her to look over. The anti-social behavior (she felt should not have been read as sociopathic) due to trust issues is understandable. You watch her with cautious eyes. Black hair, blue eyes, dark skin with freckles on her face; she is small and thin. Pretty in your eyes but to others maybe not. “So, do I talk first or do you?” She has more ‘human’ qualities your other doctor did not. Welcoming and not digging to find a problem and put a hammer to it until it is broken or solved. Navera cares and that makes you cry. A lot. Not like she minds.

“And the sex is satisfying,  _ why _ ?”

“It makes me feel safe. Even alive on bad days.” She nods as she writes her notes in a notebook rather than a holopad or datapad. “(Name), I want you to stop having sex with the General.” She states after finishing writing. You look hurt, “Why!?”

“Because you are using him and yourself to get a rush of dopamine, the feel-good hormone as others call it. Also, it is encouraging your obsessive behavior.” You look away as you wipe your eyes. “Listen, each person copes differently. Some use sex or take care of pets but in your case, you have an addictive personality. Along with the obsession, this is a mix for a disaster which you may not even realize.” She hands you a tissue. “Your well being is more important than wetting the General’s dick.”

She makes you laugh at her choice of wording at the end of her sentence. “Okay, but uh who… I mean--”

“If you feel uncomfortable telling him, I can, okay?” Her hand touches yours. The alarm on her datapad goes off. You think it marks the end of the session but she informs you it marks there are ten minutes left.

“This is where I work on your aggressive behavior towards the Commander begins.”

The session with Ren is  _enlightening_ ?

You both have anger issues, only you do not go destroying things! “Keeping in your emotions doesn't make it any better.” Apparently, Ren is doing right by letting out his rage but it needs to be in another way. You have anger issues?! You never wanted to break or kill anyone! Well, not completely true since you did taser the Commander, but in your reasoning, it was a ‘punishment to fit the crime’. And you did sabotage his personal console. And you also spoke to General Hux about how to kill the Commander.

So maybe not anger issues but murderous tendencies.

“I believe both of you should help each other in finding ways to deal with your anger.” Then she goes to her desk and takes out a coloring book. Of course, it is a First Order propaganda one. “This is going to help both of you--”

“Coloring?” You both say in unison. Navera raised an eyebrow. “You will be surprised what can help resolve tensions.”

“This is moronic,” Ren states with his arms crossed over his chest. It makes him appear bigger, meaner.

“Yeah, like his helmet.” You say without a problem. Ren’s head snaps towards your direction, who is sitting right next to you. “I am only saying the truth. Look at it,” Talking to the doctor. “What is this?” Gesturing his whole face. “Like did you make this?”

“Yes, I did, Engineer.” Ren obviously not liking how you are bluntly disrespecting him. You blink several times then looked away, “I am so sorry.” Not really. The helmet looks bad to you, the voice modifier makes it worse.

“That is quite enough, now,” The doctor places two crayons on the small table she set up after Ren arrived. One blue, one red. You reach out to grab the red crayon but Ren snatched it away. “I want red.” You say in a low voice with eyes looking at where the crayon was.

“Use the other one.”

_ “I want red.” _

“We all have wants, Engineer.” He is twirling the crayon in his hand.

 

The session ended with you trying to grab a red crayon from the oversize piece of bantha fodder!

  
  
  


A list of problems was made by yourself to give to the psychiatric nurse.

  1. Depression
  2. I hate being alive
  3. I want General Hux to step on me
  4. I want anyone one to step on me
  5. Commander to choke me to death
  6. Sex?



You are not sure what else to add to your list. Next, you have to write down your ‘negative thoughts’ down. That one isn’t really hard but you notice you forgot to write in the book twice, a lot of playing catch up had to be done.

Entry One: Today I wanted to see General Hux but I stopped because I think he doesn’t want to see me.

Your handwriting sucks.

Entry One Continued: I miss Milly the most and waking up next to a person. I think Hux just wants me to have sex with him or talk about killing a person. I don’t know. I want to flirt with him but I don’t know.

You say ‘but’ a lot.

The second entry is written after you saw the General speaking with Lieutenant Mitaka while your group was in the conference room preparing an update on the ship. You hadn’t meant to stare at him but you caught his attention. It scared you to see him so serious looking.

Entry Two: I want General Hux to defile me in any way possible I don’t care! I want to just be used and not have to care about anything. Just give him control of my life. AAAAAAAAAAAA.

You wrote ‘aaaa’ because that is how you felt right after that meeting. 

The third entry is written after coming back from your shift and wanting to punch the Commander.

Entry Three: THE KRIFFING COMMANDER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A DAMN GREAT IDEA TO BREAK A CONSOLE THAT CONTROLLED THE ANTI-GRAVITY OF THE KRIFFING SHIP SO WE SPENT ALL DAY IN THE LOWER AND UPPER LOWER DECKS FLOATING AROUND BECAUSE OF THAT ASSHOLE! IF I COULD I WOULD STEP ON HIM REPEATEDLY!

You write that in all in a mess of scribbles, a lot of it was spelled wrong too.

Fourth entry written after you final out the Commander is using your psychiatric nurse to help himself. You found out by stalking the man.

Entry Four:  **Traitor** .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
>  [READ MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE! ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10672479/chapters/23625306)   
> 


	11. Mouse Droid’s Are Perfect

‘Father' as Maw and yourself call him, is a Chiss male, fairly thin but not meek looking. He wears a white lab coat since he works officially in medical. The ‘ **_Collective_ ** ' program was officially rejected by Brendol Hux due to him believing his Stormtrooper program will supersede it. In some ways it did and in others, it did not. The Chiss’ program worked but on select few. Also, he is very picky about those who get the mechanical spine. Maw and yourself are supposed, ‘the cream of the crop’, a saying on both your world. The world you both share went through a nuclear devastation. Those that survived were mutated beyond belief, however, some remained human, of course slightly mutated. Children found in civilized settlements were taken into the Stormtrooper program. This is due to the humans in your world having a much stronger endurance than those like General Hux or an even Captain Phasma. That endurance catches the attention of ‘Father'. Picking out Maw and yourself saved you both from having to endure the hardships of becoming a trooper.

Yet, death and murder was a part of both your lives.

You were both ten years of age when you started in the ‘ **_Collective_ ** ' program. Spines removed in surgery and replaced with these. ‘Father' created these to link the human body to any form of tech they come in contact with. That person can, in theory, become one with technology. ‘Father' was inspired by the Clones programming chip. The creator then took liberties to install a subroutine that if the holder of the spine is put in a _precariou_ s situation, they can retaliate. This cause a fear that this person with this device could be hacked. Hacking was an issue but the Chiss found how to stop it by allowing the biological system to meld with the tech in such a way the spinal mechanism is “more organic”. Meaning no one can hack a human being.

The drawback of this spine is if gravely damaged a person can become brain dead. Armored plating was implemented after four deaths when the spine had no protection.

Both Maw and you were young enough to be indoctrinated into the reign of the First Order with no resistance. Anything had to be better than your shared hellhole of a world. The only fond memories of that world are the pre-war videos and music you found during scavenging trips.

You adored anything from those times, those perfect clean times. The First Order comes close to capturing it but your people had-- has a unique diversity about them that it in most eyes seem chaotic. Maybe it was. “At least your people aren't boring.” ‘Father' said once while learning about your shared people. Chiss needed young bodies to test the finished mechanical spines. Maw and you excelled his expectations.

Maybe that is why you are scared to see ‘Father' in your current mental state, you aren't perfect. You want to be perfect. The fear only grows when you learn he knows about the psychiatric nurse. He does not say anything, but you still feel judged. Like you are a failed mouse droid going to be tossed in the scrap pile. Stars, you wish Hux could just screw you to death right now.

“How does this feel?” A shock goes through your body causing a whelp from you. ‘Father' hums the tries something else that doesn't hurt. “Now for the update,” A cord is connected to the back of your head, not in your brain or head but plugged in your spine at the very top. It just looks plugged into your head. “It will take a day or two for your system to adjust. In case of any glitches come immediately to medbay.” He pats your head after removing the cord from your spine, then leaves the room so you can dress in private.

  


 

“Do you think we failed?” Maw asks picking at his food. This is the second time you have ever interacted with the man, the first time interacting outside of work. Speaking right after his examination you walked with him to the mess hall to just sit and wait for the others, Maw decided to eat something to ‘calm his nerves’. You picked some food from his tray, he didn't mind. “Space potato.” He says after eating a piece that looked like a potato. You tried what he ate and came to the same conclusion. “Space potato.” On your world, most foods aren't fresh or if they are then it most likely is radiated. Unlike Maw and yourself, anyone who would consume the mutated food would likely die. The food that did survive the war had chemicals from back then that enabled it to be around.

Beyond weird and frankly disturbing that people before the war ate such things.

“Space the final frontier,” You say eating another ‘space potato’, “Where food tastes like food.”

“Do you think we failed?” Maw repeating his question before he got distracted. You shrugged, “He wouldn't have updated us if we didn't… I think.”

“Logical.” He is scared just like you are and making little talk, you don’t mind. “So you like the new doctor?”

You nod, “She’s nice.”

“Yeah, pretty too.”

“I know, right.” You smile at him. Breaking the ice is easier than you thought as you continue talking to him. You learn he is like you, nearly the same mentally. He is obsessed with Captain Phasma the way you are with General Hux. “And the way she slammed me down on the mat last week… Stars, I want her to step on me.” He sighs dreamily. You giggle, “I understand you completely.” A kinship is something you never expected to find.

* * *

 

After the Chiss doctor finished examining all of his ‘projects’, Navera stands beside the man with her files in her left arm. She does not like him, not because he is an alien, but because he is marketing on the group’s mental health issues. The Chiss handing over his datapad that Hux looks over. “A manual?” Hux looking up at the Chiss with a raised eyebrow.

“A precaution in case one malfunctions or the combat mode is unable to be deactivated by the host.”

Navera is disgusted, maybe because she is not evil or officially a part of the First Order.

“I see.” Hux places the datapad down. His eyes look over at the other doctor, “And you?” Navera hands over a small stack of files, the other doctor scoffing at her. She tosses him a glare before looking at Hux, “Four out of the two are mentally cleared, I do suggest not putting Karen Martha in any assignments with Captain Phasma due to her past with a Stormtrooper.” Navera had a report on that specifically after having to tell the Captain to shove it. It got her a pistol pointed at her face but worth it in the long run.

“And the other two?” Hux opening the top folder.

“Maw Zhou and (Full Name), they are still undergoing--”

“My prized patients!” Your doctor wants to slap him for even calling you both such a thing. “They are fit for duty, General.”

“I beg to differ! Both have very similar mental health issues and need to get proper treatment.”

Hux interjects, “Are they fit to work, doctor?” Closing the file with such professional grace. Your doctor nods with concern, “Technically, yes, but I ill advise it, General.”

“Your concern is noted, you are both dismissed.” He returns back to looking over the files provided. Navera wants to fight her case, but she is in unknown territory and risking being on the General’s bad side is not a risk she can take. She turns following the sick doctor behind, he moves to the side to allow her to leave the room before following suit. “You should know that those two will do just fine. They have in the past before you and will after you.” Spoken as if a matter of fact. She turns her head to look at him then sticks her nose up in the air scoffing at him. “I have work to do, doctor.”

Where the First Order finds people like this is beyond Navera’s mind.

* * *

 

 

You touch the top of the mouse droid careful not to bend the pins. This is General Hux’s mouse droid, you know by his ranking design on it. His personal mouse droid, you wish you were this mouse droid. Seeing General Hux at any time, being important to the General, seeing the General. “Stars,” You hug the squeaking droid. “I miss him.” You feel lonely, is that even possible? Placing the mouse droid down on the floor it spins around before going to where is it suppose to be. You should have hacked it, no, that would look like you are spying on Hux. Well, you would be but for personal reasons. Does Hux allow the mouse droid in his quarters? It is too easy and tempting not to just mess with the droid’s surveillance camera. Glancing around, you walk over to the window overlooking the docking bay, eyes on the Command Shuttle. You always wanted to work on her. You mean ship, you think all ships are girls. Few are boys and those are special. All TIE fighters are boys. Good boys. Now, you feel silly for giving genders to objects. You stick your tongue out at Maw who sees you from below, he returns the gesture. You laugh a little. “You made a friend?” You look over at Lieutenant Mitaka who is overlooking your work. Technically, you do not have a shift but Mitaka noticed you tinkering and permitted the work. You blush in embarrassment, “Yes, sir. He’s really nice!” Smiling joyfully talking about Maw. Mitaka listens to you go on and on about him until you stop, realizing you are taking up the officer’s valuable time. “Sorry, sir, I didn't mean to bore you with nothing, sir.”

Mitaka is nice that is why you like him, “It is quite okay. I’m happy for you. Ser-- Engineer Garth speaks highly of you.”

You are happy that Sera got her wish to ‘hook up’ with Mitaka. At least you think that is the right term for dating. “Seems everything is running smoothly, you are dismissed Engineer (L/N) and do take a break.”

You nod, “Yes, sir.” Mitaka would make a great father you note.

 

 

You lay your head on Karen's shoulder as your breathing returns to normal after sobbing loudly. “I thought he was into kitchen women?” An ‘ouch' follows as Karen slaps Sera in the back of the head. Karen found your notebook during her random urges to clean. Of course, Sera stole it to read it. She apologized greatly for reading it after you broke down. Sera is currently on Karen’s fodder list for that even though you accepted the blonde’s apology. “I don't think so…” Would the General replace your spot on his bed with a kitchen woman? You feel like crying again, you don't want to be replaced! “Maybe he just needs space! I know it can help in relationships!” Sera, bless her heart, is trying to see the positive in this mess you call ‘Your Life’. You shrug weakly, “I wish I was his kitchen woman.” Karen and Sera look at each in concern. “You shouldn't have to belittle yourself just to be with a person, much less an officer.” Karen rubs your back soothing you. You sniff while wiping your right eye, “I want to be stepped on.” Mumbling.

“Kinky.”

“Sera!” Karen snapped at the woman.

“Sorry, I mean consensually that’s fine but you are doing it to promote the idea that you are nothing.” Both Karen and yourself look at Sera surprised. “What, I read those Reader’s Digest in the therapist’s office.” Thinking nothing of her own words that held so much truth to it.

“(Name), perhaps it is a good idea that you are not bedding him,” Karen, the mother of the group always here to bluntly state the truth. You don't like the truth. “Time apart will allow you to grow. To learn about where you stand with General Hux.” You want to stand between Hux and a wall being thoroughly screwed. “Just give it a day before you think about going to see him.” A day is too long for you.

 

Entry five: I want to be General Hux’s mouse droid or kitchen woman. Is Hux into women that cook?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Chiss, mostly Thrawn. Man, I wish Thrawn was in the FO that would be hot


	12. Chapter 12

> Nevara Blackstar, Psychiatric Nurse signed by General Hux to evaluate and deal with the mental health of the ‘Collective’ as well as Commander Ren.  
> Per her request (accepted) she will not be in uniform to help her patients feel ‘comfortable’. Her race can read emotion and project feelings back to a person at close range. This is only used on Commander Ren to tone down his aggressive behavior on the ship. As for Engineer (Full Name), the doctor has felt no need to request to use her ability on the patient. Furthermore, the Chiss known as ‘Father’ by the ‘Collective’ has demanded the doctor does not try to change the behavior of Maw and (Name) due to the engineers coming from a chaotic home world.  
> This demand is under review.   
> 

How many times has she read this? Navera rubs her tired eyes, blinking several times before yawning. She closes the document on the datapad after sending here latest review to the General. The last time she spoke to the General, before yesterday, it was regarding his and your relationship with each other. Much like yourself, Hux is blunt with his answer that it strictly physical. With that confirmation the doctor, using her power in medical, ordering Hux to no longer seek you out for sex. She can recall the amusement on his face, “Of course.” She warned him about how his presence could cause you to relapse. The amusement never leaving his face. “It is not me who you should be the concern with, Doctor.” He stands straight as he steps aside allowing her to walk first in her own office. “The engineer is an adult if she wishes to jeopardize her own mental health to be in my bed then that is her choice.” She can see why you connect well with the General. Both of you are so cold in your views, sort of speak. “She is an engineer, not your bed warmer, nor some kitchen woman.” She knew she had stepped too far with that comment but the doctor, unlike that Chiss, Navera cares for her patients. The amusement is gone replaced by a stern expression. “Your advisement is noted, Doctor.” Harshness in his tone causes her to her breath until he leaves her office.

Never again does she speak carelessly with the General.

In the case of Captain Phasma, Navera had to fight force with force. Especially for Karen Martha. Ms. Martha was formerly an FO Stormtrooper, importantly an FO Dark Trooper. An indecent happened, details undisclosed, that lean to her being in the _Collective_ program. The Captain felt Martha should be working under her advisement to assist in training. She declined Karen Martha’s mental readiness, to Karen’s joy. Along with being an ex-Dark Trooper, a fight with a Flametrooper left tensions high between the two. That trooper stilling being on this ship. The bickering is calm, one that she is no use to, for the most part, most like to yell. “A former slave girl is going to reject DT-98341 reenlistment over what? A minor scuffle?” Navera raised an eyebrow. “Heh, rather low and inaccurate depiction of my people, Captain. See the women are not the slaves but the men are.” The doctor standing behind the desk. “As for Ms. Martha, she is an engineer now. An officer under Lieutenant Mitaka’s advisement.” Now the doctor knew her ability could not work on Phasma being both a woman and the helmet that filters the air. Thus why the pistol was drawn pointing at her helmet. “Nice try.” Navera did not falter. It became a stare down for an hour before withdrew her pistol.

Perhaps that got her the Captain’s respect or put her on the chrome woman’s fodder list. Time will only tell. For now, the doctor shut off the lights forcing herself to sleep.

.

.

.

.

“Due to the Commander’s absence, we are able to have much longer one on one talks.” Giving your notepad to the psychiatric nurse. She looks over the pages of entries so far written. The doctor has helped with those with obsessive behavior, it took time much like helping an addict with an addiction. It took time to recover and there is always a chance for a relapse. Base on the entries so far you have your moments of relapse and moments not once is the General mentioned. “And how has the assessment I gave Kylo Ren and you been working out? You averted your gaze, “He won't go to my quarters, not like he would be welcomed considering Karen hates him and Sera is terrified of him.”

“Are you?” In her notepad, she takes down notes. You shake your head, “Ren had threatened me and I told him that anything could kill me. A common cold, General Hux, or a dedicated tooka.” Your doctor covered her mouth to hide the smile that form. Coughing in her hand, “And has he made any move to allow you in his quarters?”

“Chambers.”

“Hm?”

“He calls his quarters ‘chambers’ like he is some fancy pants,” Doctor nods as you speak. “He let me peek inside then shut the door on me. I tapped into his door panel and sat in his ‘chambers' for an hour. He told me not to touch anything.” Your gaze goes back to the doctor. “I think it's best I don't go there again. He seems like a private person.”

Notes are written. Once finish Navera keeps her eyes on the notepad as she gives her review of the assignment. “It sounds like it wasn’t successful.”

“It was, Miss.” Fingers tapping on your lap

She looks up at you curiously, “How so?”

“The Commander didn't kill me. He let me go into his room without any real consequence. I think that’s a win. He just has boundaries and I am learning them.”

The bright smile on your doctor’s face makes you shy suddenly. You now realize how much the Commander let you in his personal space. “Have you done anything to let him inside your personal space, (Name)?” You look around then answered, “Hm, I didn't try to hurt or stalk him.” Your doctor shakes her head. “I can not praise you for doing something you are not even supposed to do.” You pout at her words.

 

Twice have you been in Ren’s room without him, mostly laying his bed since it is far bigger and comfortable than your own bunk. Being at the top must get one special privileges. Eyes stare at the console you had tampered with to hurt the Commander, it still makes you smile. Funny, when the Navera suggested opening up together by allowing the other in their quarter's, Ren rejected coming to your shared quarters. He did permit you in his only to say that “I did my part”. during the first day. You have yet to do anything to show you trust him. Your eyes study the closed the door in the room, you wonder what is in there but know better than to go looking. To keep yourself distracted you start fixing little things in the room. Only his bed, he literally has everything on lock down in his chambers. That or he a minimalist. Often you lay on his bed when he is here medicating and speak out loud about your day. He does not comment unless you start talking about Hux. You sit on the fixed bed studying the lights that glow dimly from the certain spaces of the ceiling as your mind wonders.

 

_“Ren?” You poke him while he medicated. He grunts giving in to giving you his attention after you decided to poke his cheek five times. He threw you on the bed using the Force, and yet you still bothered him. In his chambers at that! “Would you have sex with me if I asked?” His eyes opened and looked at you sitting across from him mirroring his pose. “Why?” He had to know why you asked this out of the blue. “I think I’m undersexed.”_

_“Go to Hux then.”_

_“I can't. He is a bad influence.”_

_He chuckles, “And I am any better?” By far amused. You stare at him, “I’m not obsessed with you. I just want to kriff.” Ren can not get over how blunt you can be about things. Especially sexual things. “How do I know you won't become obsessed with me?” You glance around pouting then looked back at him. “I don't like you. I just need your body and that’s it.” That was pretty damn harsh._

 

Ren refused to bed you. You think you hurt his feelings, if he has any. He reminds letting you stay in his chambers, always maskless in private. You found yourself wishing he wore the mask all the time due to his attractiveness. You remember trying on his mask when he would go in the refresher, it got stuck resulting in you staying in the room longer until Ren untangled your hair from the helmet’s latch. A warning of “Do not touch my things” is repeated and rules followed right after that incident.

You touch his face just to say “You aren't a thing, sir.” Snarky to snarky leads to silence which leads to him finding your presence amusing. Or, the trust is formed between you both, if you could call it that, maybe he just tolerances you.

A fragile tolerance.

You figure perhaps it is being in his territory that makes him feel safe, like a animal. Is this his way of showing he trusts you? Because he has the control in this room, not you? You overthink everything especially when it comes to him, yet, still nothing. He reminds you of a complex puzzle key that unlocks part of a puzzle of a gate, you wonder how his mind works. You understand you-- Coming to understand yourself. The lights in the shut off and you remind in the chambers in the dark, eyes fluttering closes.

 

_“You smoke, Ren?” He also you to informally call him by his last name in private. You study the ashtray. “No, I do not. Those are ashes of the enemies I killed in battle.” You look gross out. “Oh,” You are not sure how to react to that.“Do you drink the ashes?”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“Where I’m from there was an ancient culture that would drink the ashes of their fallen warriors. They believe it gave them that warriors strength.” You at him. His eyes are open staring at you._

_“Your people are savages.” Going back to ignoring you._

_“Also where I come from saying something like that is considered ignorant.” You were tempted to knock over the creepy ash tray._

You think Commander Kylo Ren just needs a friend.

 

You love upgrades! Hyper-space tracker updates along with shielding and weapons. Maker, if you hadn't had sex with General Hux, you would say upgrading the ship is far better than sex. Pretty sure Sera would strongly disagree. “Everything is running smoothly down here.” Speaking into the headset to Maw. Currently, you are overseeing shielding upgrades. Maw, overseeing TIE fighters and bombers upgrades, Karen and Sera fleet ship weapons. John and Dak’n on the bridge watching weapon testing. You both wish you were and glad you are not on the bridge. It has officially been two weeks since you last had any close contact with the General. Or Millicent! You are close to relapsing but your doctor has been helping you greatly. Suicidal thoughts has dramatically lessened. You still want to be stepped on but now want to step on people-- that is considered a bit better. Course you still want to have sex, but open to doing it will someone else. Though you have yet to bed anyone, most of those you would be interested in are taken or you feel awkward talking to. Maw would be a logical candidate but you an him have grown close as friends. Plus, he is head over heels with Captain Phasma, not like you can blame him. There was a blonde, tall, nerdy looking, a radar technician that you saw in Starkiller a few times. You wished he was still around.

You study the frequencies of the shields, sound waves crossing paths on the screen. Typing away on the console controls you make adjustments. The sound waves aligning the way they are suppose to. “Shield testing is permitted.” putting your hands down leaving the controls alone. “Shield test has been authorized. Relaying the message to the pilots.” The rest is left to the others. You sit on the floor watching the screen until the shielding a d weapons test is over. All a successful test. The mini datapad on your arm goes off signaling this. You stand up dust off your pants. “Engineers a part of the ‘Collective’ are dismissed. Dismissal approved by Lieutenant Mitaka.” John voice coming from the headset. “Testing will resume admittedly after two hours. Engineer Maw Zhou and Dak’n Bentham will report to the lower decks to aid in hyperspace tracking test.” John is the most formal of the group, he sounds like a admiral rather than a engineer. “Both Engineer Martha and Grath are approved for early shift dismissal. Engineer (Full Name) is to report to the control room to oversee the rest of the TIE fighter test. Snowe logging out.”

Definitely has a military background.

 

It took you a few minutes to get the nearest turbo lift to upper levels. Standing leaning against the wall tapping your foot trying to control your anxiety. Only to have it worsen as your body snaps to attention when the General entered the turbo lift. He just waltz in, gracefully turning facing the door. You stare at the door holding your breath. Hux is calm not once looking at your rigged tense body. Your lungs burn forcing you to breathe, only then does his eyes shift to you. Both of you making eye contact. Hux is not a fool to believe you are not afraid of him, he is a man of power forced to break off his arrangement with you, and you being of a lower, much lower, rank than him. It is no surprise you are fearful.

You really want to kiss his face. Really, really bad. Maker, he looks like he hasn't sleep well but you would be so glad to help him sleep. His eyes shift to the door breaking eye contact. He speaks with such authority, you want him to step on you. “Your mental treatments are going well, Engineer.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you for asking, sir.” You hate how small you sound. The hum you get does not help. You are close to reaching the level.

“You were holding my mouse droid.” You are about to melt into the floor if that is possible. “Stating quote: ‘I miss him’.” Why didn't you hack the that droid!? “I hold no animosity towards you, but do not distract the mouse droid from its assignment.” The turbo lift stops and his removes his hand from your face. “I believe this is your stop.”

“Uh, yes, sir.” You leave the turbo lift confused.

 

_You stare at the red crayon not moving it on the page. “Is there something on your mind, (Name)?” You do not look up from the page, “Why should not have sexual contact with General Hux?”  Navera opens her mouth looking unprepared for that question. Navera moves next to you, you decided finally to color the page. You scribbled all over it aggressively. “I don’t need sex but I just want… I don’t know.”_

_“Do you think perhaps you want companionship rather than just a physical relationship?”_

_“Love is causes to many problems. And I’m not into commitment.”_

_“Go on.”_

_“Maker, I see Sera having who know how many boyfriends and all never really give her what she wants, and I just can’t feel that need for love. I know I want sex. That’s it. It so stupid to want love in a relationship and oh, Stars, the trust. How can I trust anyone?! I-I…” You stop yourself._

_“You what?” Navera looking worried as fear becomes written all over your face. You shake your head standing up from the couch. “Thanks for the talk, Doc.” You leave the room as she tries to talk you into staying._

 

You have been doing so well, but Hux. No, you are not going to blame him for how your chaotic mind work. The physical contact is something you can put into words now; you sleep with the General because you want to destress. Perhaps you are a sex addict even if Navera says you are not. It is not like you have sex constantly and feel regret after it, and you most certainly do not work hard to atone for it. You are not that sad. Tapping on the datapad pretending you are just strolling the hall. Ha, as if you would stroll in an arena full of viperous officers.

No, you have an objective to complete.

It is a bold move enter his office, you did it near the end of the work day. You know the code to open the door without permission and you damn well know he saw you. Why else did he close the holoscreen on his desk and sat there calmly. “Engineer, a pleasant surprise to see you.” He is betrays no annoyance, anger, or happiness at your intrusion. You stop in front of his desk, “Sir,” Nor does he flinch at your hands slamming on his desk. “I need you.”

“If you are in of assistance I am sure Lieutenant Mitaka can--”

“I don’t want to have sex with him! I want to have sex with you, General.” The whole toying game is one you do not want to play. His face is stern as he replies, “Your psychiatric nurse forbid me from having any sexual encounters with you.” You sigh bending over laying your head on the desk. “You are a General why should you care about my mental state,” Hux eyes study how your body looks currently. You look like a mess, mainly your hair. Not to mention the cuts on your right cheek that has him wondering what in the world where you doing prior to coming here. “I open my legs to you. That’s all that should matter.”

“Reducing yourself to a bed warmer is unbecoming of you, (L/N)” Your eyes look at him, stay on him as you stand straight again. “I can reduce myself anyway I, Maker, damn want!” You snapped off then looked down kicking yourself internally. “I didn’t mean that.”

There a sense of pity Hux feels for you right now, and there is a bit of himself that he blames right now. He fuelled your obsessive behavior with the physical relationship, then the useless therapist did not help. Now that you are actually getting the help you need, you are conflicted. You want him and the feeling is mutual. “Sure you do,” He gives you this at least you are not crying over this. “You and I may not be allowed to touch each other but nothing says anything against you touching yourself,” Your eyes go back to his face. “In my presence.”

You always and will respect General Hux, he is your CO and that will never change. However, respect is much different from wanting the man you hold so high to screw you and very different from wanting that man to step on you.

Hux has thought you were going to take a sit on the chair in front of his desk, still, you go the side of his desk. A leg raising and resting on the desk. Hux turning his chair to watch you ride the edge of his desk. “Stars,” You moan, one hand holding you in place while the other groping a breast through your uniform. “Sir.” Hand digging into the material. Elbows on the armrests, hands folded on his lap just over his growing hard-on. “You should see yourself begging like a wanton whore. You should be ashamed.” Your head tosses back thighs clinging to Hux’s desk. “Never.” Your hips going on there own to reach the peek. “I expect not.” With closed eyes, you can hear a lot more. Hux’s movements as he gets up from his chair, two steps so he is in front of you. “Open your eyes.” You do. He takes out his pistol, you do not become scared. You trust your General. The nozzle of the his blaster pistol press on your bottom lip tracing the shape of your lips. He looks lost in thought with his lips parted just a bit. “Lick,” Tongue slipping out licking the inside and around the nozzle. The low groan coming from his throat is music to your ears. “Suck. Yes, good _mouse_.”

Mouse! You’re his mouse! You moan around the pistol as his thrusts it in and out of of your mouth. He pulls it out in time with his other hand hovers over your hips, reaction to grab your hips to make you stop. You stop without his saying anything. “Get in the chair,” Blue-green eyes follow you. “Remove your pants. Keep the boots on. Mouse, legs open and on the arm rest.” Your cheeks burn at the exposure of your cunt is to him. “Ah!” Your hips moving your lower regions away from the cold nozzle of the pistol. “Behave, mouse.” You bite down on your finger, tongue licking the leather of your glove. Never have you used an object to get yourself off, it never crossed your mind to try it. Seems it crossed Hux’s mind. “So desperate,” It is so true right now. Your hips rocking towards the pistol as Hux teases it at your entrance. “I am going to kriff you with my pistol and you are going to thank me for it.” Being wet already from humping his desk plus you sucking off his pistol. You gave his pistol a blowjob, a pistol. You are not sure if that is hot or perhaps scary. Well, one cannot truly live without living life dangerously at least once. It goes inside with easy as has you arching off the chair and biting very hard on your finger. “Very good.” You could get off on Hux’s praise, actually, you have.

It too small to actually full you like Hux’s cock does but you damn well are getting close to cumming from the way Hux’s is thrusting the pistol. It is his rhythm. Body trying so hard to keep still, you about to pass out with the taste of leather in your mouth. “Remove you finger.” The hand falls way. “Touch yourself.” That finger rubs your clit getting you moan louder and louder. You open widen open panting hot air. “Please.”

“Please, what, mouse?” You are close to death right now! “Maker, premission to me cum, Grand Marshall Hux, sir?” He smirks at how you fell back into your training. “Permission granted, mouse.” Permission given your body reacts to the release of tension in your body. Core clenching around metal, voice hoarse it cracks when you cry out. You slumb in the chair, Hux removes his pistol resting in on the desk. You groan putting your legs down. Through half shut eyes you look up at the General standing in front of you. He catches your hand before it can touch the front of his pants. “No touching.”

“No touching.” You repeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this about too many times and each time reaching 3k words and I'm posting this because
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> _SO FREAKING DONE_  
>  **  
> 


	13. Chapter 13

“You rev up my engine, General.” Smiling at him. The twitch of his lip makes you aware he found the pick-up line cute. You told him that after dressing in his office. He sits at his desk like never happened, like that boner isn't there. You offered to assist, but that is the game now. To take without touching. 

Later that day you are in his quarters with a using the vibrate option on your datapad, for alarms, on his crotch to get him off. Your foot keeping it in place between his legs. “Kriff,” His hair is a mess, wearing nothing but his regulated boxers. “Engineer.” His hips raise when you less the pressure. “You have to ask, sir.” Stars, you want to touch. Those eyes you adore looking at you in defiance. “I order you to make me cum, Engineer.”

You shake your head, “You have to play nice, sir.” The switch in roles is nice.

A groan then a sigh follows, “Please.” You feel giddy from hearing how desperate he sounds. Does he also get off when you do this? Hux always looked like he does just like how he looks right now cumming staining his boxers. You removed the data and kneel down touching his face. “Are you?” Moving the long strands of hair away from his face. He needs a haircut and sleep. He nods while catching his breath. “You did very well, mouse.” You blush under his praise. “Thank you, sir.” Taking your datapad you wipe it down with a cloth from the refresher. Hux comes in with his robe on and a towel in hand. “You can stay,” Hux states while reading his shower. You move around him careful not to shoulder clip him. “No, thank you, sir. Have a good evening, sir.” Saying from his bedroom. You do not stay with Hux even though he offered to let you stay for quote “Millicent’s sake.” He states after you took a second to pet the feline. You take no offense, attachments get people killed.

 

Instead, you go to Ren’s chambers to sleep.

 

His bed is comfortable and all. Removing your boots you pull the blankets back getting in the bed then cover yourself with the blankets. You rest your datapad on the headboard. “Lights at zero percent.” Pitch black darkness soothes you to sleep. Body exhausted along with your mind. Today had been a mess with some good parts.

 

 

 

Now you do not consider yourself a heavy sleeper, in fact, you jump at any sound or motion that happens around you. You do not understand how you did not wake up with the Commander came into his chambers nor when he undressed and changed, or when he sat down on the floor to meditate. You groan turning your body so you are laying on your stomach. It is only then you jerk awake at the sight of messy raven hair. “Kylo?” You really feel like this is unreal. His head turns the half way that you see his nose. “I thought you preferred ‘Ren’.” Shifting closer you touch his hair. “Shit.” You make a move to get up, rolling onto your back then sitting up. The Commander stands then sits on the bed with his eyes on you. “You could have woken me up,” Frowning. “Sir.”

“You had ten minutes of sleep left. I saw no point in waking you.” The man needs to put a shirt on. You nod, “Well, thank you, Kylo Ren.” Saying his full name. “But aren't mad or something at me?”

“You did not touch anything besides the bed.” Head leaning on his left shoulder.

“I broke into your room… again.” You figured he is going to hit or kill you. More leaning towards killing you. “Did you sabotage my console?” Agh, can he just get over that?! “No.” Rolling your eyes the rubbing them after yawning. “Then this is a minor offense.”

“So there will be a punishment.” You do not even question especially when his lips form a sly smirk. “Yes, there will be.” He gets up. “I had clothes being sent here. You will get ready for your shift here,” Your eyes following his body as he goes over and stands in front of the window. “I will message you when to receive your punishment.” Perhaps it is just because you have not seen him but it looks like he has changed, the way you have seen soldiers accept they will never be able to live the same as they had before. 

“Yes, sir.” You to say more but your alarm cuts you off.

Dressing in Kylo Ren’s refresher, after your clothes were delivered, feels wrong. As if you are betraying Hux in some way. Not sure or understand how since you are truly involved with the General. You exit the refresher straightening out your sleeves. “Engineer,” Ren is stand by his bed with his hands behind his back. Curiously you walk over to him. “A gift,” He pulls out a headband. You look deadpan at the gift. “Mouse ears for a mouse droid.” And this is why you believe the Commander is an asshole. “Now, go along little mouse. You have to go earn your cheese.”

“We just had a moment and you had to ruin it.” Mumbling under your breath while you stomp out of his damn quarters.

Kriff him!

 

Picking at the scabs on your cheek you put the mouse ears in your bag under your bunk, you being at the bottom bunk gives you storage room. Once that and your datapad are left there you go to start your workday. 

 

Today working in a section of the lower deck with fewer cameras scares you. Terrifies you. It is here you saw the ruthless nature of officers willing to do whatever it takes to raise in rank. You constantly check your back while you work. Thus why you jump readily to fight when someone shoves you into a tight space.

Being shoved into a tight space in the lower deck terrifies you.

You try fighting your way out only to stop at the glimpse of red hair. “General, sir?” Less scared more confuse. His hands are on your hips with thumbs pressing on your lower back. “Can you be as quiet as mouse?” His breath hot on your ear. It sends a shiver down your spine. You want to so badly give in but the doctor said not to have sexual encounters with your General.

A rule you barely broke but nonetheless broke-- Twice!

“Sir, we can't.” It pains you to reject him. The warmth of his breath leaves your ear only to go to your neck. “We are consenting adults, Engineer?” You bite down a whimper at the sensation of his on cheek. “Yes, sir.” Feeling out of breath just from anticipation. “So I will ask you again: Can you be quiet as a mouse?” He pushes you further in until your front is press against the wall. Anyone walking around could the General’s greatcoat peeking out of the corner space. You nod while pressing your lips together. “Good, mouse.” You want so bad to be devoured by him just like you want to devour him.

He knows how quick to open your uniform jacket and lower your pants, panties follow them down. The feeling of his gloved hands, one under and up your undershirt groping a bra-covered breast, the other rubbing your clit along with middle finger rubbing your lower lips. So far nothing you can't handle. Foreplay being partly easy to hold back moans for. Until he slips to fingers inside of you while using his thumb to trace light circles on your clit.

“ _Quiet as a mouse,_ ” The words are spoken in a husky tone. A whimper had slipped out. The hand on your breast pulls at your nipple then twist sending a shock of pain through your system.

He lets go after a couple seconds of watching you bite down on your bottom lip. The hand is gone from your chest but the finger keeps moving. At first, a moderate pace only to increase when his only hand moved to the front of his pants. You hold yourself up for dear life against the wall, nails scratching against the metal. “Cute.” Your squeak matches by chance a mouse droid’s that passes by.

You aren't sure if you can keep up being quiet. You felt Hux’s cock between your thighs as he fingers you. Rocking his hips into you. “Sir, please~.” Voice low so no one can hear, only he can. “So desperate. I imagine kriffing yourself on my blaster was not enough, Engineer?”

You will never live down using his personal blaster to masturbate in front of him. In his office no less. “No, never.” You were not ordered to cum yet, “Please let me cum, sir.” He kisses right under your ear. Fingers removed and you are instructed to turn around. “I want to see you, mouse.” You step out one pants and panties leg. Your undershirt lifted up to your mouth to assist you in being quiet. “Bit down. Good mouse.”

You live for his praise.

The rest is up to him. Lifting up your leg and holding you against the wall. He knows the right way to thrust up into you that has you moaning against your shirt and allowing him inside with no slips. His greatcoat covers your leg so no one can see what the General is truly doing. It might look to most that he is working on a datapad or console. Hux’s hair is getting out of place as he thrusts into at a desperate rate. You both are rocking against each other in a desperate way. His one hand’s fingers digging into your hip and other digging into the back of your thigh where he is holding your leg up. Your arms are wrapped around his neck. Your head on his chest to keep yourself hidden.

_So hard not to pass out._

_So hard not to moan loud._

_So hard to get a groan out of Hux._

The most you hear is his heavy breathing above you. You lift your head up while pulling him closer. Your words are muffled behind the shirt in your mouth. He chuckles breathlessly. His thrust change so the material of his pants rubbed more into the nub between your legs, your teeth biting down on your shirt. “ _Cum for me my little mouse.”_ The groan that follows it bliss to your ears. You body stuttered as the orgasm hit you hard, it took a lot not to just fall back. You remained clinging onto the General as he rode out his orgasm.

You both remain in place staring at each other. Who would make the first move to kiss the other or who will talk first? Neither of that happens.

Hux slips himself out of you, you moan at the lost. You hold onto him until your leg can support you again. It only takes Hux a minute to adjust his pants tucking himself away. The hair is left alone. He pulls the bottom of your shirt out your mouth, hands rolling it down then flattening it on your body. The wet stain catches his eye for a split second. You hold onto his shoulders when he pulls your lower clothing back up. It is moments like these you gravelly miss the most. The care he shows you that you never give yourself.

You fix his hair, “Thank you, sir.” Eyes following him as he stands back up in front of you. He stands before you then takes your head in his hands, lips pressing on your forehead. “I expect you to keep this between us.”

“As always, sir.” You kiss the skin revealed from under his sleeve. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mouse ears are ElmiDol's idea!! hehe

**Author's Note:**

> This actual therapy to write this lol but I will like to thank the writer: ElmiDol for helping to make this happen and beta reading this!


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